Listening to God<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\nFirst, the Bible says the most about listening to God. While not the focus of this guide, it is the primary category Scripture offers when it comes to listening. Creatures ought to attend to their Maker\u2019s words. This is implied in passages about obedience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In John 14:15, Jesus teaches,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIf you love me, you will keep my commandments.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How can we obey if we\u2019re not listening?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Deuteronomy 6:4\u20135 commands God\u2019s people to listen explicitly:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And again in John 10:27:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMy sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
These passages lay the foundation for how to listen to God\u2014a posture of humility, obedience, and attentiveness. They also remind us that listening for God is not mystical guesswork but a steady attentiveness to His Word.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Listening to people<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\nSecond, the Bible gives us a framework for how we ought to listen to people. This listening is derivative of our responsibility to listen to God, since all human beings bear His image. This is addressed indirectly in passages which command us to \u201cvalue others above ourselves\u201d or \u201cbe humble and compassionate.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Listening is also addressed directly in James 1:19, which tells us that every person ought to be \u201cquick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.\u201d Or in Proverbs 18:13:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIf one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The Bible on listening is clear: listening to others is part of our duty before God and neighbor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thirdly, Scripture clearly communicates that we ought to listen especially carefully to a particular group of people: the wise. God\u2019s Word tells us in no uncertain terms that listening to wise people is critical to our flourishing. Consider these three proverbs:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIncline your ear, and hear the words of the wise, and apply your heart to my knowledge\u201d (Prov. 22:17).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cListen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future\u201d (Prov. 19:20).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe ear that listens to life-giving reproof will dwell among the wise\u201d (Prov. 15:31).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It is clearly essential to our flourishing that we listen to the right people. We\u2019ve already unpacked that this is part of listening well: understanding who the speaker is. Yet, the wisdom of Proverbs ups the ante. There is no in between\u2014either you listen to the advice of the wise or you are a fool. And fools are headed to destruction. Their marriages, families, businesses, and churches are in danger of falling apart\u2014and even their very souls are in peril.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Scripture also offers us a positive picture. If we are good listeners, getting wise people in our lives is like getting a beautiful piece of jewelry: it is a sign of wealth and flourishing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cLike a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear\u201d (Proverbs 25:12).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Finally, we cannot forget the comfort of knowing that verses reminding us that God listens to our prayers\u2014such as Psalm 116:1, \u201cI love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy\u201d<\/em>\u2014assure us that God is the perfect listener, and His attentiveness fuels our desire to listen well.<\/p>\n\n\n\nClearly, the Bible has a lot to say about listening well. Even beyond the pages of Scripture, we can see so many important reasons to listen. This begs the question: if it is so important, why do we have such a hard time doing it? Other things, like exercise and building a career, are important, and we spend countless hours planning how to go about them. Why do we neglect listening?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Reflection Questions:<\/em><\/strong><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n\n- How has talking to a bad listener made you feel?<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- What part does listening play in good communication?<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- Are people generally good listeners? Why or why not?<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- How do we know whether God cares about our listening?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n
3 Why Is It So Hard?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
I would suggest there are at least three reasons we struggle to listen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
First, we are more interested in ourselves than others. There is a deep self-centeredness in each of us\u2014no matter how well we may mask it. God designed us to worship, and yet, because we are sinful, we most often want to worship ourselves rather than God. Even for Christians, this self-centeredness is a constant battle. At the end of the day, listening is about valuing and showing interest in someone else. Oftentimes, we don\u2019t actually feel that interested in what a person is saying to us. Our minds constantly wander to our own struggles, burdens, and anxieties because we are far too concerned with ourselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And because of this inward pull, our listening skills<\/em> weaken. They don\u2019t deteriorate because we lack ability, but because we lack the spiritual posture that quiets our hearts enough to truly attend to another person. Scripture repeatedly shows that good listening begins with humility.<\/p>\n\n\n\nA second common struggle is that we are confident we know how we should respond before we hear someone out. Consider the account of the USS Lincoln, supposedly released by the Chief of Naval Operations in 1995. Somewhere off the coast of Newfoundland, the Lincoln began a radio exchange with a Canadian crew.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Americans: \u201cPlease divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Canadians: \u201cRecommend you divertYOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Americans: \u201cThis is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Canadians: \u201cNo, I say again, you divert YOUR course.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Americans: \u201cTHIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES\u2019 ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT\u2019S ONE-FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Canadians: \u201cThis is a lighthouse. Your call.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Though humorous, this communicates something important. Even if we are adequately interested in the person we are speaking to, we may grow weary of listening to them because we quickly draw a conclusion from their first few words or sentences. This makes the remaining words they say superfluous. We tap our foot, so eager to be a help that we undo much of the good our words would have done by our impatience. Their words become inflammatory rather than informative. In the process, we quit listening and miss what could possibly be important information that could shape our counsel or response. As we have already covered, we don\u2019t merely listen to people to gather information, but hearing them out is certainly an important part of listening well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is also why Bible listening<\/em> matters so deeply: Scripture trains us to slow down, hear fully, and resist the impulse to assume we already understand. Learning to listen to God\u2019s Word forms habits that carry over into listening to people.<\/p>\n\n\n\nFinally, we often don\u2019t listen well because we are limited emotionally. This struggle is true of all human beings. Except for Jesus, every other person we speak to has a limited ability to empathize with the speaker. We may be truly listening, paying attention, and caring for this person, but simply lack the emotional bandwidth to empathize with them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And yet, when fatigue overwhelms us, we remember that Jesus listens<\/em> perfectly. Throughout the Gospels He never rushes, never dismisses, never avoids the hurting but bends toward them. His attentiveness becomes both our comfort and our model.
And we cling to every God listens to our prayers verse<\/em>\u2014such as Psalm 34:17, which reminds us that \u201cThe righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them\u201d\u2014because God\u2019s perfect listening assures us that our own weak listening does not condemn us but invites us to grow.<\/p>\n\n\n\nThis becomes painfully obvious the longer you consider what listening well actually is. At times it feels attainable, but most of the time it is a daunting task\u2014especially depending on the depth and breadth of your relationships. However, in response to that, we should not lower our idea of what good listening actually is, but rather realize how much sin has tainted our lives. Even more importantly, we ought to realize how great and compassionate a Savior we have who does not have these sorts of emotional limitations. The hymn writer Cecil Alexander described Jesus in this way:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
His heart that’s touched with all our joys,<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\nAnd feels for all our grief. <\/em><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\nHe is never \u201cout of it,\u201d and his social battery never runs out. Praise God. Yet, we experience our emotional limitations constantly. This is part of what makes listening well so hard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Reflection Questions: <\/em><\/strong><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n\n- How does what we worship inform how we listen?<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- Why is listening hard for you?<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- When do you find listening most difficult?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n
4 How can we become better listeners?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
There are many practical tips and helpful ideas for improving our listening skills represented in dozens of books, podcasts, and blogs. Some of the most useful tips, in fact, come from secular writers.I have in mind authors like Katie Murphy and Stephen Covey who have contributed meaningfully to literature on listening. (If you\u2019re looking for a deeper introduction to the topic, consider Murphy\u2019s You\u2019re Not Listening<\/em>. Although coming from a secular perspective, she offers keen insights.)<\/p>\n\n\n\nThis wider body of work reminds us that good listening skills<\/em> are never automatic\u2014they are cultivated through practice, humility, and prayer.<\/p>\n\n\n\nHaving read several of these, I\u2019d suggest two practices and four principles for becoming a better listener.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Practice #1: Become fluent in support responses<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A helpful distinction in popular literature on listening is between support responses and shift responses. A support response builds upon a previous comment by empathizing (\u201cOh! Wow!\u201d) or digging deeper (\u201cSo, you told her to send the email?\u201d). It means contributing to the conversation while leaving the spotlight on the person you\u2019re speaking with. Support responses can be contrasted with shift responses. These, as you might expect, entail shifting the topic from one thing to another. Or, even if the topic remains the same, relating your thoughts and experiences on the topic in such a way that the spotlight clearly shifts away from the other person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Shift responses are not always wrong. In fact, it\u2019s not hard to imagine that someone who only uses support responses would be a wearisome conversation partner. Part of building relationships is sharing your own experiences and thoughts. However, a regular pattern of refocusing conversations on yourself will not make for good listening.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Support responses also cultivate empathy and listening<\/em>, because they require us to slow down, stay present, and affirm that the other person\u2019s experience matters. As we practice this, we grow in Listening and understanding<\/em>, not merely reacting.<\/p>\n\n\n\nPractice #2: Before serious conversations, pray and put your phone away<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A professor of mine once told me that \u201cwords create worlds.\u201d While an expansive claim, it rightly encapsulates the reality that our words convey meaning that can shape the world around us. That is to say, our words are powerful. In light of this, all our conversations should be seasoned with prayer. Before weighty conversations, we would be foolish not to prepare ourselves by praying for our words to be few and careful, for our listener to understand us rightly, and for good gospel fruit to come from the encounter. Prayer can even extend into the conversation itself, as brief internal cries for the Lord\u2019s help in the moment. Easy to overlook, but essential, prayer displays the humility that acknowledges we are not capable of handling difficult conversations on our own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Additionally, however, prayer should be paired with a simple action\u2014putting your devices away. We\u2019ve all been part of conversations where the other person is glancing down at their phone. In fact, most of us have been the ones glancing down at our phones. Putting your devices away signals to the other person that we consider our conversation with them more valuable than whatever is happening online. Instead of being at the reach of literally millions (if not billions) of people, we narrow our audience down to one. So, flip your phone over and leave it there. Drop it in your bag. Turn on \u201cDo Not Disturb.\u201d This will immediately make you a better listener.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Removing distractions is one of the simplest ways to strengthen our listening skills<\/em>, because it frees us to give others the kind of focused attention we so often desire ourselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\nPrinciple #1: Everybody is worth listening to, at least for a while<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When approaching a conversation, rehearse to yourself the command of Philippians 2:3, \u201cIn humility, value others above yourself.\u201d This is a basic prerogative for a healthy conversation and one of the planks on which it rests. In a new relationship, you must believe the person you\u2019re speaking to has something valuable to say. This is not squishy sentimentalism, but a command coming to you straight from Scripture. However, there may be people who, after a time, prove themselves not to be worth listening to. Scripture clearly has a category for avoiding or tuning out certain people (see Prov. 13:20; 14:7). This does not undermine their worth as individuals. Still, it does teach us that it is possible to forfeit the trust we initially extend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Seeing each person as an image bearer naturally deepens Empathy and listening<\/em>, urging us to approach every conversation with dignity, patience, and compassion.<\/p>\n\n\n\nPrinciple #2: You won\u2019t understand what that person is saying until they\u2019re done talking<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In a society that reads headlines (and for whom 280 characters is now a drag), it is often truly difficult to hear someone out until the end. The average American attention span is supposed to be less than ten seconds. Yet, we must make a habit of listening to people all the way. It sounds so simple\u2014you can hear your mom telling you this before you head out to school. Even still, we need to remember to wait until the person we\u2019re listening to is done speaking before we start.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This discipline trains us in listening and understanding<\/em>, reminding us that wisdom grows from hearing a matter fully (Prov. 18:13).<\/p>\n\n\n\nPrinciple #3: Listening should characterize us more than talking<\/p>\n\n\n\n
James 3 encourages us to tame the tongue. Oftentimes, we assume James means we ought to watch our words. Surely, he also means we sometimes ought to be quiet. As Christians, we so often want to offer our counsel before we even listen, like overzealous doctors dosing out meds after just glancing at their patients.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Learning restraint is a key part of mastering listening skills<\/em>, because silence\u2014when practiced with love\u2014opens the door for empathy, clarity, and wisdom.<\/p>\n\n\n\nPrinciple #4: Listening is one of your greatest tools in evangelism<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It is to the Christian\u2019s benefit that there are very few listeners out there today. So many relational doors open for us just by offering a listening ear. A 2012 study by Harvard professors using brain imaging found that people sharing personal information about themselves felt the same sensations as when enjoying a good meal (King, 12). In a digital age marked by loneliness, it should come as no surprise that people are starved for conversation. Certainly, for our non-believing friends to be saved, we must preach the gospel to them. However, simply listening to them will give you a stronger relationship in which to do this preaching. Your ability to listen well may be the greatest tool in your evangelistic toolbox.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Furthermore, in the actual act of sharing the good news, a crucial aspect of evangelism is understanding who we are evangelizing and encouraging or exhorting these individuals in helpful ways. For instance, my evangelism should look different if I\u2019m speaking to a nominal Christian who is living with his girlfriend versus my Hindu barber. Both of them are lost. However, as I listen to them, my goal is to identify which lies they are believing and counter them with the gospel truth. This is not to put unneeded pressure on those of us sharing the gospel. The salvation of the lost is never our doing. However, listening well is one of the tools that God, in his kindness, uses to draw the lost to himself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Evangelism rooted in empathy and listening<\/em> shows people the gentleness of Christ, and evangelism anchored in Listening and understanding<\/em> helps us discern how to apply the gospel with accuracy, compassion, and truth.<\/p>\n\n\n\nReflection Questions: <\/em><\/strong><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n\n- What distracts you from listening well?<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- Why should you listen to others?<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- When listening, why is it so easy to interrupt? What does that say about you?<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- What does listening have to do with evangelism? <\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
5 Where Do We Go from Here?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
If this life skill guide were to stop here, it would have little value. Sure, we\u2019ve covered tidbits of wisdom. But those tidbits would be like the ingredients on a cold pizza, sitting in a dark oven with no heat applied to them if we don\u2019t put the whole picture together by listening well. That\u2019s why we need to get into the animating principle for listening. What is it that brings life to this skeletal structure we have examined? How can we, as Christians, offer something better than the self-help books on listening?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That\u2019s the issue with all the world\u2019s advice on listening. There are many great ideas or tips. I\u2019d encourage you to pick up a copy of You\u2019re Not Listening <\/em>by Kate Murphy or read Stephen Covey\u2019s chapter on listening in Seven Habits of Highly Effective People<\/em>. But, at the end of the day, these authors only offer us selfish motivations for listening. Listening will give you the kind of friends that make you feel good \u201con the inside\u201d. Listening will help you build your network. Listening will allow you to influence people and ascend to new professional heights. Each of these authors, for all their insight, starts from an emotionally bankrupt state. They suggest listening to fill yourself up. More friends. More influence. Like Carnegie said.<\/p>\n\n\n\nWhat makes a good listener is someone who truly cares. Loving someone else (in the true sense) requires that you listen to them. Applying the principles and practices we\u2019ve discussed so far without this is like giving a new paint job to a car with no engine. It may pass as good listening to a casual observer, but anyone who gets close will realize\u2014this thing is not going anywhere. In fact, as adept as we may feel at appearing interested in others, we are equally adept at sniffing out fake listeners. We notice the glances at the phone. The interruptions. The constant shift responses. Unless we have hearts that are truly changed to love others, none of this will be of any use.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, how do we learn to care for others? The root of the matter is this\u2014a good listener is built from the inside out. You will never truly listen well so long as your main goal is to impress others or yourself. It may pass as good listening, but let someone up close and they will realize. What we all need is a heart changed by the gospel. The gospel is the message that shifts our affections away from ourselves to Christ.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What is the gospel? It is the message that \u201cwhen we were dead in our sins and trespasses,\u201d Christ came to give his life for us. Although we are morally bankrupt before God, he looked on us in love and paid the greatest price to bring us to himself. You will never be a good listener unless you spend time gazing at the God who mercifully hears his people. Nowhere is this clearer than in the Psalms. Time after time, God bends his ear to hear the psalmist\u2019s cry (for example: Ps. 6:9; 18:6; 34:17, 120:1). Until you realize that God has listened to you when you least deserved it and has responded with the utmost empathy, grace, and love you simply cannot offer others the kind of listening they so desperately want.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, soak yourself in the Psalms. Spend an hour reading the Psalms and note how many times we see that God listens to his people. Also consider Christ\u2019s life. On the way to Jericho, Christ stopped when he heard the blind beggar pleading for mercy. He listened as his disciples bickered about who was the greatest among them and, although he did rebuke them, he also patiently taught them what true greatness in God\u2019s kingdom looks like. Realize that you are the blind beggar and the selfish disciple. Rejoice that the same Jesus who showed incredible kindness and patience in that day is the same yesterday, today, and forever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Notice also how this actually helps you become a good listener. If you don\u2019t have your heart full of gospel fuel, you will not be able to consistently offer good responses. If you\u2019re listening carefully just to make yourself feel better, your interest in others will only last as long as you feel morally superior or like a kind person. Similarly, you\u2019ll never be able to offer the kind of critique that defines a healthy relationship. This would risk the very premise on which your actions are based. Yet, it will also be the thing that causes the relationship to wither away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Want to become a better listener? Soak yourself in the gospel of grace every day. Let God\u2019s Word dwell in you richly. What happens then? God himself dwells in our hearts through faith. Our hearts are slowly but surely transformed into caring, warm hearts. Not hearts that think less of ourselves or more of ourselves, but think of ourselves less<\/em>. Know that God listened to you when you least deserved it\u2014let that shape you into a good listener.<\/p>\n\n\n\nReflection Questions:<\/em><\/strong><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n\n- What does the gospel have to do with our listening?<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- God listens to us. How does that inform how we should listen to others?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
6 Different Kinds of Listening<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Having covered the topic of listening more broadly, I want to offer some brief thoughts on a few specific kinds of listening.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Listening to sermons<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The weekly routine of a Christian reaches its crescendo during the Lord\u2019s Day gathering. This service reaches its own crescendo when one of the church\u2019s appointed elders teaches from God\u2019s Word for God\u2019s people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Gallons of ink have been spilled to explain right principles for preaching, yet there is a corresponding task which gets little attention: listening to the sermons! Most of us will never preach at our churches, but we will listen to hundreds or even thousands of sermons. So, how do we listen to these sermons well?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
1. Prepare yourself throughout the week.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For most of us, preparing to hear from God\u2019s Word on a Sunday amounts to the same as stretching before a race. On the hectic drive to church, we might pray for God to open our ears and humble our hearts. Or, if your church allows time for this in the service, it might not even make the car ride. But like a stretching session, this practice is not nearly all you need to be ready on race day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Preparing to hear from God\u2019s Word on a Sunday also requires the daily runs you need to prepare for Sunday\u2019s higher intensity. The daily routine of placing yourself under the authority of God\u2019s Word is the same routine as we follow on a Sunday, but private and (possibly) briefer. Like a racer, if you skip these practices, you\u2019ll be out of shape and unprepared at the starting line. Like a racer whose body is constantly losing fitness unless he trains, our hearts become stale and self-centered when we do not spend time in God\u2019s Word. Our wills calcify and become brittle, leaving us intractable and cold to our Father\u2019s words.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thankfully, the remedy is simple\u2014pick up your Bible, incline your heart to his Word (Ps. 119:36), and take a few laps around the block. When your feet hit the starting blocks on Sunday morning, the track will be well-worn and your heart ready to run.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
(Briefly: many churches encourage their members to read the sermon passage for the upcoming Sunday throughout the week. While not essential, this is a helpful practice which I\u2019d encourage you to adopt.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
2. Focus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Practically speaking, one of the greatest obstacles to listening well to a sermon is distraction. Work. Tiredness. Troubled relationships (some of which may be within your line of vision). These are constantly begging for our attention, while (sometimes) the preacher\u2019s voice seems further and further away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
While requiring sacrifice, solutions do exist for these problems. Let your work know that you are unavailable for two hours on Sunday morning. This might not be possible depending on the season you are in or simply your profession. However, most of us can achieve this. If your colleagues or boss ask why\u2014what better opportunity to testify to the value we place on our relationship with Christ? If you find yourself struggling to unplug from work, ask for God\u2019s help. Power your phone off or put it on \u201cDo Not Disturb\u201d. Years down the road, what little effect this may have on your career (if any) will be incomparable to the eternal good of listening to God\u2019s Word preached.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Prioritize sleep on Saturday night. Again, this is an opportunity to testify to the people around you about what you value. Not sleep by itself, but attentiveness to God\u2019s word. Show up to church well rested. And, if you need it, don\u2019t be too pious to get some help from a cup of coffee. These are simple steps to help you listen well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
3. Respect God\u2019s Word.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The sermon starts. Oof. This guy\u2019s voice is really obnoxious. His points don\u2019t even make sense. His exegesis is clear, but listening to him is like eating a flavorless protein bar. Such ruminations are common on Sunday morning. These often aren\u2019t entirely incorrect observations, nor is the preacher guiltless if indeed his delivery is akin to chalk.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
However, none of these critiques should be at the forefront of our minds when a preacher takes the pulpit. The primary method which God has ordained for Christians to be regularly taught is by hearing his Word preached in the context of a gathered church. Indeed, God has given to men the authority and challenge of explaining his Word to his people. This is a fearsome and wonderful task. However, the task he has given his people is similarly demanding: accept the authority of the under-shepherds in your church and hear the authority of God\u2019s Word through their teaching.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
4. Be a Berean.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
On the flip side of the coin, Christians also have the tremendous responsibility to evaluate and determine whether the teaching they hear from their church\u2019s pulpit is true. In the main Bible study room in my childhood church, vinyl lettering covered one of the main walls. It said, \u201c…they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true\u201d (Acts 17:11). What a wonderful example our Berean brothers and sisters set for us so long ago! They respected God\u2019s Word, assumed the best of those teaching them, but then pored over God\u2019s Word themselves to see if Paul\u2019s words held true. This is part of our priestly responsibility under God\u2019s new covenant: we must learn to understand God\u2019s Word ourselves to protect the church and, ultimately, preserve the gospel (1 Pet. 2:9).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
5. Discuss, pray, and remember.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In C. S. Lewis\u2019 classic novel, The Silver Chair<\/em>, Eustace and Jill are on a quest to find a lost prince. Before they set out, they meet the noble Aslan on a high mountaintop, where he gives them signs that will help them fulfill their quest. He carefully instructs them to rehearse these signs every night lest they forget and lose their way. The air will become much denser and foggier once they leave, he warns. As he sends them on their way, he exhorts them, \u201cRemember the signs!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\nAs Christians, we need ways to remember the signs. Normally, Sunday morning is the clearest time of the week. Local churches are outposts of heaven and the future reality of God\u2019s coming kingdom. When we\u2019re there, we get small but real glimpses of what is really true and what will really be our future. Step out that door, however, and the fog descends. It is so hard to remember the signs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For that reason, we should develop regular habits to remind ourselves of what we heard on Sunday morning. Beyond our regular Bible study, we ought to make a regular habit of discussing Sunday\u2019s sermon over lunch after church. Set a reminder on your phone to pray for a particular fruit of the Spirit based on the sermon. Ask older Christians at your church how they meditate on a sermon throughout the week. There are many habits that will help us remember the signs. Or, to use God\u2019s words, to help not forget how we look in the mirror (Jas. 1:22-25).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Listening to the talker and the timid<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We all know people who are prone to talking too much. We also all know people for whom every sentence is like giving birth to a child. As we\u2019ve already seen, in order to listen well to both of these types of people, we must be aware of who we are listening to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
1. Assess.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Get to know the person you\u2019re talking to. This will take hard work when you\u2019re talking to the timid. But you\u2019ll need to figure out if they are quiet because they feel insecure or because that is simply the way they are wired. Similarly, if you\u2019re talking to a talker, you want to find out whether their talkative nature is because they are nervous to be around you or if they have a bubbly nature that is native to their personality. This is part of the process of getting to know them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
2. Adapt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If someone is talkative, be willing to interrupt them. You may realize that to contribute to a conversation (or make it a conversation), you must insert yourself in ways that might otherwise seem forceful. If someone is very quiet, on the other hand, be willing to bear through the awkward silences. Spend time considering the right questions to ask. Quiet folks become very adept at deflecting questions, but the right question can penetrate that armor. Be willing to sit through the silence to see if they will open up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
3. Accept.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
At some point, loving a quiet or talkative person may mean simply accepting the way they are and either 1) listening more than usual or 2) talking more than usual. We do well to push people and encourage them to grow, as described above. However, there comes a time to accept a person\u2019s way of being and be willing to bear some of the cost yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Listening to critique<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\nAs we have already discussed, listening well involves discerning who you\u2019re listening to. In this case, it\u2019s helpful to think of people in a few different buckets. In today\u2019s digital age, there is a vast swath of people who do not know you and yet have access to you and (depending on how public your life is) can comment publicly on their evaluation of you. Then there are people who know you personally. Finally, there are those who know you best.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
First, critiques from strangers will often be based on motivations or deeds that simply are not true. Again, depending on how publicly you live, there may be dozens or hundreds of people commenting on your life. These comments should weigh on us the least\u2014although they tend to do the opposite. It is tempting to feel smug in light of these wrongful critiques. We feel like victims or martyrs. But even as we try to tune out the noise, we must remember that we, too, have likely spoken like fools against those whom we did not know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s a different story when you face criticism from people who actually know you. There is often a nugget of truth in criticism coming from someone we know. We must be willing to accept our fallibility and examine our thoughts, actions, and motives. Sometimes, this will help us grow. Other times, we may find that these critiques are truly unfounded. Either way, we must have the humility to listen and self-examine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When we face critiques from our closest friends (especially our elders in the faith), we should listen up. If someone kindly critiques you, this should catch your attention. In fact, if they successfully critique you without doing so harshly, you should note that. Get close to that person. Bring them into your inner circle. Not many people are willing to be honest and loving enough to tell the truth while working not to hurt you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What if you face regular critique from a close friend or a spouse? Bitterness becomes a huge temptation. Especially within our churches, this manner of disagreement is so poisonous. John Newton addressed this situation in a letter, saying:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you account [your opponent] a believer, though greatly mistaken in the subject of debate between you, the words of David to Joab concerning Absalom are very applicable: ‘Deal gently with him for my sake.’ The Lord loves him and bears with him; therefore, you must not despise him or treat him harshly. The Lord bears with you likewise, and expects that you should show tenderness to others, from a sense of the much forgiveness you need yourself. In a little while, you will meet in heaven; he will then be dearer to you than the nearest friend you have upon earth is to you now. Anticipate that period in your thoughts, and though you may find it necessary to oppose his errors, view him personally as a kindred soul, with whom you are to be happy in Christ forever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Criticism is always hard to take. But, by remembering God\u2019s love and discerning who <\/em>is offering the criticism, this criticism need not tear us down. Instead, it can become an instrument for growth and a reminder of God\u2019s love.<\/p>\n\n\n\nListening to praise<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As difficult as it is to listen to criticism, praise is far more dangerous. There are several reasons for this. First, pride is rooted deep in most of our hearts, and we need little encouragement to think highly of ourselves. Additionally, we are typically very accepting of any praise. While we might analyze critiques down to the minutiae, we accept praise broadly. While we accept critique with nuance, we embrace praise as though it were wholly founded. Finally, most of us are starved for praise and affirmation. Few things will cloud our judgment like a stream of unwarranted praise.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Praise is a strong substance. How can we listen to it well?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Allow me to suggest a few ways:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n- Bear in mind who is speaking.<\/strong> We return to this theme again and again. Is this praise coming from a mature believer? A new Christian? Someone whom you have authority over? Someone whose life you wish to emulate? Knowing who is speaking will help you weigh their words.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- Deflect praise when it\u2019s appropriate.<\/strong> God always deserves the ultimate praise for our lives and actions. Beyond that, there are always other people to whom we owe great debts. Why do athletes, actors, and musicians always thank their parents when accepting an award? Because it becomes totally apparent in that moment that they could not be there without them. So, defer praise when you ought to.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- Accept praise and move on.<\/strong> Sometimes, we do deserve measured praise. In God\u2019s kindness, he sometimes helps us to do great things for his kingdom. While ultimate credit goes to the Lord, it may be appropriate to receive the praise. In these cases, we should avoid the tendency to draw more attention to ourselves by publicly disavowing anything praiseworthy. Thank the Lord for what he allowed and move on. Just as we tend to dismiss criticism outright, we have an inverse tendency to linger over praise. Remember, this will never satisfy you. Thank the Lord and move on.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- Remind yourself that God\u2019s praise will be last and loudest.<\/strong> As a Christian, the praise that you must long for the most is God\u2019s. In Christ, we have been reconciled to him and assured of his love. Part of our daily duty as Christians is to remind ourselves of that. Praise will lose its seductive power when you know you have God\u2019s approval now. And one day, if you persevere, you will hear, \u201cWell done, good and faithful servant.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n
While we\u2019ve just spent some time considering various different kinds of listening, I hope you can see that doing them well requires largely the same skills. Listening quietly. Empathizing. Responding thoughtfully. These are still the skills that make up a good listener.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Reflection Questions:<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n\n- Do you find it difficult to listen to sermons? If so, why?<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- Do you resonate more with the talker or the timid? Which do you find more difficult to listen to?<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- How have you responded to criticism in the past?<\/li>\n\n\n\n
- Why is praise sometime harder to receive than criticism?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n
Conclusion<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Let me take you back to the old bedroom in Apache Junction, Arizona where this guide began. Say you could travel back in time to listen in on a night of Zach\u2019s storytelling. I hope we would now agree on a few things.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
First, I hope you would agree I was a bad listener. I was <\/em>quiet. But\u2026 I was usually not empathetic to the stories being told nor were my responses thoughtful. Furthermore, I did not think to interrupt him at times to interject my own thoughts or explain how I felt.<\/p>\n\n\n\nSecondly, I hope we can agree on what it might have looked like to listen well in that moment\u2014enjoying his stories, entering into his enthusiasm, and making an effort to contribute as well. It wouldn\u2019t be marked by fearful or frustrated quietness, but by content listening and support responses building off of and enhancing whatever story was being told.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Lastly, I hope we can agree that there is a significant reason I did not listen well. It\u2019s the same reason I (and probably you) still struggle to listen well every day. We have not fully worked into our hearts the reality of who we are in Christ and the character of the God we serve. It\u2019s only by dwelling deeply on these things that we will become good listeners. Realize God listens to you. He really does. Every day\u2014rain or shine, good day or bad. Let that shape you into a good listener as you listen to others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
About the Author<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Tyler Ardilles works as the Marketing Manager at 9Marks<\/em>. He lives in Washington, D.C. and is a member at Capitol Hill Baptist Church.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Coming December 2025<\/p>\n","protected":false},"featured_media":5580,"template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":true},"guides-category-hi":[22,20,19,23],"class_list":["post-3917","field_guides","type-field_guides","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","guides-category-hi-22","guides-category-hi-20","guides-category-hi-19","guides-category-hi-23"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n
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