#99 Wise Retirement Giving: Generosity in Later Life

#96 Servant Leadership: Leading Without Pride

Part 1: Enjoying God’s Word

What are you enjoying these days?

Recently, I’ve been enjoying making a good cup of coffee. I boil my water exactly to the desired temperature, drop my new light roast beans into my grinder, and pour the water at the right time and to the right amount. When the cup doesn’t turn out to my liking, my wife catches me watching YouTube videos on how to make it better.

But that’s not the only thing I enjoy. I love talking about coffee with other people. So, one Saturday, I invited some of my friends to my house and had an informal coffee tasting competition. We showed each other how we make a cup. My friends shared what coffee beans they bought, how they’ve been brewing their coffee at home, and what kind of flavors they’ve been able to extract.

Making coffee isn’t just about coffee. Yes, I need the caffeine! But what I really appreciate is good craft and building friendships and community by talking about it and enjoying it with others.

So what are you enjoying these days? This is important because what we enjoy shows and shapes who we are. Just like a well-brewed cup shows my appreciation for good taste and craft, what you enjoy shows what you appreciate and value. Maybe you like different types of food and that points to your appreciation for diversity and learning about different cultures. And like how good coffee shapes me to find opportunities to talk and share, the thing that you admire will shape your money, time, and day-to-day.

So, how does this relate to stewarding influence? A constant threat for those who hold leadership responsibility is falling in love with the fact that we indeed have influence over others! The temptation is both common and serious. It’s common because we all want to be in control. We want to be recognized. We all want to be the person who others come to listen to. But it’s also serious because loving influence for itself ultimately blinds us. It leads to dangerous stewardship and, if unchecked, we end up using our influence to control, manipulate, and harm those under us.

This temptation characterized the sinful religious leaders during Jesus’s days, providing us with negative leadership examples to avoid.

They [the Pharisees] do all their deeds to be seen by others. For they make their phylacteries broad and their fringes long, and they love the place of honor at feasts and the best seats in the synagogues and greetings in the marketplaces and being called rabbi by others… Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness. These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others. You blind guides, straining out a gnat and swallowing a camel! (Matthew 23:5-7, 23-24).

If we want to steward our influence in a Godly manner and practice true Christian leadership, we need to enjoy something bigger than ourselves. We need our tastebuds changed so that we crave the joy that comes from outside of us. And the primary source of joy is God’s Word. We can lead well by being reminded of the joy that comes from belonging to Christ. We fight pride as the Scripture confronts us and we submit to it. That’s what we’ll discuss in the rest of the chapter: we enjoy God’s Word as we study and submit to it.

Enjoying God’s Word as we study

First, studying God’s Word increases our joy in it. Whether it’s gaining new insights that we haven’t seen before or being reminded of the truth we’ve long known, studying God’s Word is the key that unlocks the joy that’s hidden in the pages of Scripture. But what joys are relevant to humble leadership and leading without pride?

As we study the Scriptures, we are especially reminded that we are righteous and justified because of Christ’s life, death, and resurrection. No work – including possessing impressive leadership qualities or humility before others – can save us from our sins. “You are saved by grace through faith, and this is not from yourselves; it is God’s gift – not from works, so that no one can boast” (Ephesians 2:8-9).

Not only are we declared righteous before God the Judge, we’re adopted into the family of God the Father. One pastor said, “When God hits the gavel to acquit you, he also hands you an adoption paper to become his child.” Paul tells us that the doctrine of adoption is a display of God’s eternal and voluntary love for us. We didn’t do anything to deserve it but God “predestined us” to be his children “according to the good pleasure of his will” (Ephesians 1:5-6). Page after page, the Bible speaks of God’s infinite, vast, and rich mercy to sinners like us. Even though we were dead in our trespasses and sins, God saved us because He loves us.

So what do justification and adoption have to do with spiritual leadership and pride? Both doctrines wipe away any kind of pride within us because it reminds us that we didn’t do anything to deserve being called children of God. We have the joy in knowing that our standing and status in Christ is freely given to us because of His abundant love for us. And this joy leads to humility because it shows that the greatest dilemma – our need to be forgiven of our sins – has been taken care of.

At the same time, these doctrines also strengthen us as leaders to withstand both praises and criticisms. How? Because they remind us that we have been accepted and validated by the God of the universe. If we wish to not be swayed by the opinions of men, we must stand on the firm foundations of God’s Word, understanding the vital connection between the Bible and leadership. Men’s praises are addictive. When it’s unchecked, you’ll live to please men, not God. What we need, then, is to remember that what God says about us is what’s most important.

When the Bible lays out clearly the greatest news that we are justified and adopted by God, the right response is to revel. I wonder if you know people who revel at God’s good news? Even though they are leaders, what matters most to them is not what others think but ultimately what God thinks about them. They are both so humbled and joyous because of the truth of the gospel experienced in their lives that they’re able to receive criticism and praise. They are able to steward influence well, exemplifying Godly leadership, because their identity is not in what they do, but who they are.

While studying the Scriptures can offer us joy, there’s another step that we can take in experiencing fuller joy. If we want to be truly captured by God’s Word, not only should we study it, but we should also submit to it. This is a consistent theme when we look at leadership in the Bible.

Enjoying God’s Word as we submit

For most people, enjoyment and submission don’t usually go together. How can one feel free and happy if you’re under someone else’s authority? Submission, if anything, feels like it hinders and prevents joy. But in Christian leadership, we know that true joy doesn’t come from being free from any authority; it only comes through submission to what God says. In other words, submitting to Scripture is the only way to the joy that allows us to lead others well, truly leading by example. Consider Psalms 1–2. Scholars often note that these two psalms should be read together¹ and while there are many reasons for it, one worth noting is the way to true happiness and blessing is by meditating on the instruction of the LORD and submitting to the Son (Psalm 1:1-2, 2:12).

And this happiness isn’t only about that we’ll experience in heaven. No, it can be experienced right now. Following Jesus’s words and submitting to them will lead to joy today as we experience his goodness in both blessing us or sustaining us in our trials. John Webster writes, “God’s law is… God nurturing us by educating us into the true form of human flourishing. If we would be, and if we would flourish, this is what it means to live joyfully from, with, and under God”²

And who is this God that we’re submitting under? He isn’t some distant And who is this God that we’re submitting under? He isn’t some distant figure that tells us what to do. He ultimately shows us how to submit to His Word as he condescended to take on a human flesh. We submit to Jesus as a servant leader, who came “not to be served but to serve” by ultimately giving up his life for sinners like us. We serve Him, who condescended to us “by assuming the form of a servant” (Philippians 2:7), the perfect model of Biblical servant leadership. We can be sure that there is joy in obeying God’s Word as Christ himself submitted to his Father’s will, leading the way for us.

Were you surprised as you read this section? “I thought this was going to be about servant leadership examples, not the Bible and the gospel.” “I know those are important but tell me how to be a good leader at church or at home!” Too many of us are tempted to think that we can learn more about what makes a great leader, leadership skills, church dynamics, and team management in secular books. There is some truth in that idea. We need good books on those topics, and I even hope this booklet will be helpful for you!

But, in Psalm 119, the writer declares that he has more wisdom than his enemies, and more insight than his teachers because he meditates on Yahweh’s instructions (Psalm 119:98-99). And what were those instructions? Most likely, the instructions that he’s referring to were reminders of who God is, who they were as his covenant people, and what happens when they obey his commands. The Psalmist was more concerned about the link between the Bible and leadership—what God had to say—rather than anyone else.

We should also acknowledge that the Scriptures also teach us about faith in leadership, not first by telling us the practical side of the subject but by reminding us of our identity. Stewarding Influence in leadership well and leading with humility is a result, first and foremost, of spiritual  growth, not skill management. The Scriptures remind us to soak and revel in the eternal joy in the gospel that shows and shapes us to be children of God. That joy, and only that joy, is the foundation of the humble and influential leader.

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Discussion Questions:

1. Where is your source of joy? Has it been something that you do or where you’re found? (Luke 10:20)
2. What have you been learning about God and yourself in the Word and how has that been affecting how you influence those around you?
3. What has God been convicting or correcting you and how has that been affecting how you influence those around you?
4. What other doctrines can help you lead those under you? What about the doctrine of image of God? Or the doctrine of sin?

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Part 2: Committing to God’s Church

There are three people that I want you to meet.

First is John. He follows Jesus but he’s not really into organized religion. He thinks church leadership roles always end up abusing their authority. So, John feels he worships God best by going for a hike on Sunday.

Next is Leann. She’s fine with going to church, but she rather than commit to one, hops from church to church every week.  She’s at First Baptist Church for a little bit and then starts attending Grace Calvary for a while. Leann is at church every Sunday. The only problem is that it’s a different church every time.

Lastly, there’s Matt. Matt loves the preaching at his church, but tends to slip out right afterward. He doesn’t feel like he needs to connect with the people there. Why should he? Isn’t the Bible and preaching the most important thing about being a Christian? And since he enjoys the preaching, he never really thought about joining as a member. What’s the point in that? These attitudes reveal a misunderstanding of the vital importance of leadership in church.

What do these three people have in common? To begin with, we trust that they’re genuine Christians. All three want to follow and love Jesus. And yet, another similarity between them is that their attempt to follow Jesus is disconnected with the local church. Their version of Christianity is more individualistic than the picture offered us in Scripture.

But how does the Bible view Christian living? From the Old Testament to the New, when God saves an individual, He saves them into a people. Faith is always personal, but never private. The Christian life isn’t just about you and Jesus; it’s about locking arms with other believers. So whether you’re a leader or not, God commands all Christians to be a part of a church, integrating their faith and leadership within a community.

But what does joining a church have to do with stewarding influence? In this section, I will attempt to show that the church fosters healthy leadership because the church is where healthy leadership is publicly displayed. Specifically, we’ll see that a local church is a place where humble leadership is taught and modeled. I hope by the end of this section, you’ll see that God’s church is important in cultivating and sustaining the Christian leadership that bears the fruit of the Spirit.

Leadership Taught

What do I mean that healthy leadership is taught in a local church? Well, I mean that a local church is precisely where Christians disciple one another by becoming accountable for the other person’s spiritual health which includes how you steward influence. This is the essence of accountability in leadership. The way that you lead—whether in your family, business, or school—now become open books for others to help. Biblical leadership is often taught and corrected in church membership.

Here’s what one pastor says about membership: “Biblical membership means taking responsibility. It comes from our mutual obligations as spelled out in all of Scripture’s ‘one another’ passages—love one another, serve one another, encourage one another.”³

People often see this responsibility as involving meaningful relationships where people ask good spiritual questions to other members of the church. An overlooked responsibility, though, is not only asking questions, but being truthful and open about your life. Opening up your life and inviting accountability in a local church is one of the best indicators that you are growing in leadership and humility. This practically looks like developing friendships that create opportunities for encouragement and criticism.

I remember going out for lunch with Nate from church. Nate had been observing how I parent, work, and live out my life as a Christian and I trust him deeply to speak into my life with love. Trust in leadership—even peer leadership—is built on this kind of vulnerability. And I asked him, “Is there any area that you see me needing to grow?” Nate thought for a few minutes and offered a correction. He shared how he’s seen me handle sensitive information in a way that could’ve been interpreted as gossiping. Nate was kind and, more importantly, he was right. I immediately saw what he was talking about and agreed—I didn’t steward private information well.

Do you have a friend like Nate? A real leader who isn’t afraid to speak the truth?

Nate was keeping the church covenant that he and I signed when we joined our church as members. If you want to be a member at my church, you’ll have to sign that same church covenant. One of the promises that I made with all my church members is “we will exercise an affectionate care and watchfulness over each other and faithfully admonish and entreat one another as occasion may require.” Church membership gives you an opportunity to teach and learn from others how to lead. It creates space for others to speak into your life.

So, where do you hear feedback in your life? The more important question might be, are you hearing any feedback in your life? Are you closed off from hearing how you’re doing as a father or a husband? Do you have older people who you can go to with questions and for correction? How do you respond when someone corrects you? Is it defensiveness or excuses? Not only is it widely accepted by secular leaders that constructive criticism is important, but also in God’s Word. The book of Proverbs comments, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy” (Proverbs 27:6).

Do you have anyone that can be faithful to you by speaking the truth? If you want to demonstrate leadership and wish to be a good one, this is a must! If you don’t have anyone speaking the truth, then pray! Pray that the Lord would bring someone into your life that would love and care for you by telling you the truth. It might be easier for you to not have someone giving you feedback for how you lead at home, but how would you know that you’re doing it right if there’s no one to observe and comment? After you pray, ask. Ask your pastor to disciple you. Ask your pastor if they know of anyone who wants to disciple others. Seek out mentorship in leadership.

One of the dangerous lies that we can believe about ourselves is that we don’t need accountability, that we are wise and smart enough to do things on our own. But as Proverbs warns, “Pride comes before destruction, and an arrogant spirit before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18). The destruction might not immediately arrive, but it might be on its way.

Not only is leadership taught in the church, it’s also modeled in it through consistent leadership modeling.

Leadership modeled

The Apostle Paul was not proud or egotistical when he told his friends to imitate him (1 Corinthians 4:16, 11:1; Philippians 3:17). God designed the Christian life in such a way where mature believers are meant to be put on display and held up as a leadership model. Of course, Jesus as a leader is the greatest example that we should follow. But the Bible also exhorts Christians to look up to the leaders, especially elders, for examples of what a Godly, mature, and steadfast walk looks like. They demonstrate faithful leadership, embodying the truth that a leader is one who knows the way and walks in it.

Currently, authority in leadership (and those who have authority) is met with skepticism and resistance. In part, it makes sense. Abuses run rampant. The injustice caused by those who are supposed to protect and care is especially grievous and damaging. Yet, the answer to bad authority isn’t no authority but good authority.⁴ We need to see good authority exercised and exemplified.

If you belong to a local church, one of the examples that God gives to you is your pastor(s). Your spiritual leader is supposed to show what maturity and Godliness looks like. You should be able to point to your pastor and say, “I want to be like him. I want to lead a family/a church like he does.” I don’t know about you, but I’m blessed to have my pastors. They shepherd, lead, and influence in a way that’s pleasing to the Lord. Here are some servant leadership examples and ways that I’ve seen them lead:

Distributing Influence: Instead of hoarding influence, my pastors distribute it.

– They are generous with giving other guys teaching opportunities.
– They constantly remind the men in the congregation that they must steward their influence through leadership by discipling other men, serving the family, and taking opportunities to teach.
– The pastors deliberately seek out men to raise up as other elders in the church. They will ask difficult questions like how their relationship with others are going, how they’re treating their family, what sins have we confessed this week, etc.
– The pastors trust the members to do the work of the ministry. This means that they have oversight, but they don’t micromanage people.

Building Up: The pastors use their leadership in church to encourage the body.

– They use their leadership to highlight the gospel. Their teachings, encouragements, and corrections all flow out of the Word of Christ dwelling richly in them.
– They are slow to use their preferences as the standard, and quick to use the Bible to set the record straight.
– The pastors spend enormous amount of time in elders meetings praying for various members. They pray for the marriages, unity among the members, and weak and vulnerable sheep that God would strengthen and protect them.
– They disciple and counsel members in the church, before or after their work hours.

Submits to other authorities

– The pastors submit to other pastors. This means that they are content when they lose votes during elders meeting, demonstrating leadership and humility.
– Because the pastors know that they are also under the congregation’s authority, they do their due diligence in preparing for the members meeting to present to the congregation how they should think and vote.
– The pastors are committed to weekly “service reviews” where other pastoral staff and lay members can offer godly encouragements and godly criticisms of what they taught on Sunday.
– My senior pastor involves a group of staff members to decide what other preaching opportunities he should consider in the future (other churches, conferences, etc.). He submits to other staff/pastors by encouraging them to give their thoughts on if it’s wise to miss Sundays.  

These are few ways that I’ve seen Godly pastors around me exercise traits of good leaders well. And, by God’s grace, it’s bearing much fruit. It’s bearing fruit in my life as I sit under this leadership that equips and models for me what I should be like at home and work. It’s bearing fruit in the lives of others, as I get together with friends and share what we’re learning from church. Our conversation not only revolves around what we’re learning, but also who we’re learning from. The elders are live motion pictures of Biblical servant leadership and what humility should look like in all areas of life. As they steward their influence well, so are we called to learn and imitate them.

If you want to lead in humility, commit yourself to a local church. 

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Discussion Questions:

1. Do you have someone in your life that can encourage and teach Godly leadership?
2. How have you seen your church leaders model godly leadership?
3. Do you open up yourself to godly criticism? If not, how can you do so this week?

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Part 3: Trusting in God’s Providence

My first ministry job was a wake-up call.

I was newly married and about to be done with my classes in seminary. My wife and I were at a great church near our home and felt like we were ready to fly the nest. After all, I’ve been preparing the last four years to be a pastor! Through friends, I found out about an exciting opportunity that, after many conversations, my wife and I both felt great about. It felt like a perfect role at a great church, an amazing city to start a family, and a good pastor to learn from and work with.

But, soon after we got there, it started to unravel. Miscommunication and insecurities took over. Pride and blame came next. And finally, accusations and resignations arrived.

I was out of work in less than a year.

We sold a bunch of newlyweds stuff that we bought, hoping that we would be here for a long time. And with our 1-month-old firstborn and a trunk full of books and clothes, I drove back to my in-laws. What I was hoping to be a long-term place of service ended up being more like a flameout.

A wave of different emotions came. At the time, I was frustrated, disappointed, ashamed, and anxious, just to name a few. “How could this happen to me? I deserve better”

But after almost 5 years, I look back with thankfulness. You might think it’s strange that a shattered dream and failed ministry attempt would produce gratitude. Bitterness or resentment seem more natural. And I don’t mean to say that I was perfect. I wish I was more patient, forgiving, and humble, both during and after what happened. But I look back with thankfulness because I can see some of the things that God has done for me through that experience.

God strengthened my marriage, teaching me about leadership in the home. There’s nothing that bolsters and fortifies marriages than going through trials together, and our trial made us cherish and trust one another even more. He also sustained my faith. The promises of God shine the brightest in dark clouds and there was nothing that was more comforting than knowing that He sees and knows what I’m going through. This trial was a crucible for faithful leadership. He sanctified my heart. Not only did I learn more about God, I learned more about myself. There’s nothing more humbling than planning your life and being totally redirected. I’ve seen the ugly side of me and saw how God was exposing my sins to correct me.

I’m also thankful because I would not be where I am today if it weren’t for that experience. We wouldn’t have moved to Washington, D.C., moved to a great church, met friends who we quickly bonded with, sat under good preaching and leadership, and started working at a church that I love.

My first ministry job was a wake-up call. I didn’t know what God was doing at the moment. Yet, as time went on, God was quietly and purposefully working in me, through me, and for me in ways that I wasn’t aware of. He used people and situations to sanctify and humble me. God woke me up to show me his providence.

In the previous sections, we saw different ways we can grow in stewarding our leadership and influence. Whether that influence is in a political party or in the pews, all Christians mature in how they lead with humility by enjoying God’s Word and committing to God’s church. We’ll discuss in this chapter another ingredient that makes a humble leader. A leader is ever so humble only by trusting that God has ordained everything in their lives, including leadership and influence. Knowing that whatever they have—the good and the bad, the small and the big—are all from the hands of our loving Father. This is the key to Humble leadership.

Before we dive in, we need to have a think about what providence actually is. This concept is foundational to Godly leadership. There are many helpful definitions that theologians have come up with. Here’s one from the Heidelberg Catechism:

You really can’t define it better than that! But let’s note a couple of things. First, God’s providence is active. His “almighty and ever-present power” doesn’t set the world in motion and then back off. Instead, God “still upholds” and “governs” the world as we move and live. Even while we’re sleeping, he is working.

Second, God’s providence is all-encompassing. God upholds and governs all things, whether it’s animate creatures like ravens and mountain goats or inanimate things like seaweed or stars. God does not lose sight of any of them. No matter what they are and where they are, God’s providence reaches to all things in the universe. Nothing or no one is outside of his control.

Third, God’s providence is ongoing. Notice how God’s providence is active and present in both the good and bad seasons. Both rain and drought; fruitful and barren; health and sickness; riches and poverty. God isn’t in control only when things are going well. No, both good and bad are from God. 

Lastly, God’s providence is affectionate. In the beginning and end, God’s providence is described as being swayed by his “hand” There is something personal about using your hand, rather than a blunt instrument. You can control with a rod or rule by a sword. But God’s rule is with his hand. And not only is it described as his hand, but as his “fatherly” hand. Whatever God ordains in our lives, it only comes from and through his fatherly affection and care for us as his children. God’s providence is what the father does for the good of his children. Jesus is the leader who perfectly trusted this fatherly hand.

God’s providence is active, all-encompassing, ongoing, and affectionate. How does that apply to our topic and our understanding of what do you mean by leadership? 

Providence in People

If we believe that God is in control, we should also trust that God placed specific people in our lives. From the earliest days of our lives to today, God governed and is still governing all of us in such a way that’s purposeful. This truth is vital for understanding our leadership and influence.

This has been an ongoing truth that I need to remind myself of as I parent my children. Taking care of kids can be tiring and burdensome. Sometimes, you have to stay up all night. Sometimes they get hurt and totally disrupt your day because you have to go to the emergency room! It’s easy to think that parenting slows you down or prevents you from taking advantage of other opportunities. But the doctrine of providence reminds us that God has placed our kids in our lives for a reason. Mainly, it’s to sanctify us. Parenting is a high leadership responsibility that quickly exposes the dark areas of our lives and helps us realize that we’re less patient and less gentle than we thought we were. We’re also made aware of the fact that we’re often weak and fickle while God is our steady and perfect heavenly father who leads us for our good and his glory.

What about those who are influenced by us? This brings us to leadership in the workplace. Your coworker might be contrarians, or hard to work with, or not easy to get along with. They might even slander or undermine your authority. You might feel pricked and annoyed at those who you are called to manage. Or what about a member of your church? I know we’re called to love our brothers and sisters… but sometimes they get on your nerves. They might disagree with you on politics, education, or social issues which have them feeling more like enemies than siblings. But even they are sovereignly placed in our lives by God. He knows what he’s doing and he does it for our good.

Trusting in God’s providence will affect how we lead others and dictates our faith in leadership. We are less likely to see them as problems, but more as means that God is using to make us more like Jesus. We lead with humility and love, trusting that God has placed them under our care, not only for our sake, but for their sake too. As we are tempted to complain about certain people in our lives, we can remind ourselves that God “governs” all things in this world as to mature us and help us grow. Providence calls for trust and trust results in humility.

Providence in Situations

God’s providence not only includes relationships but also situations. Like we saw in our definition of providence, both the good and the bad is under the umbrella of God’s sovereign control. You might be thriving at your work; your high performance is being acknowledged and praised by your superiors or you’re really liked by your coworkers. Or your home might not be a place of comfort and peace; your marriage might be in a rut or you’re really at your wits end when it comes to parenting. Whatever situation you might be in, the Lord hasn’t abandoned you or lost control. He knows exactly what He’s doing.

Missionaries don’t often have the easiest life. Adoniram Judson, a missionary to Burma, certainly didn’t have it easy. He lived a God-glorifying and devoted life, translating the Bible into the Burmese language, planting churches, sharing the good news with all classes of people—a true example of faith and leadership. But his life was full of misery and death. He lost multiple children to disease. He even lost his beloved wife, Ann, who traveled to Myanmar and took care of Judson while he was wrongly imprisoned for many years. To make matters whose, he preached for six years before he finally saw his first convert.

Pastors like Charles Spurgeon suffered too. Not only was he known as a lion in the pulpit—a powerful spiritual leader—but he was also public about his depression that sometimes crippled him from his ministry and cast a dark shadow on his life. The chronic illness that he endured, as well as the infamous Surrey Gardens disaster that killed 7 people, made him acutely aware that, though God was in control, he doesn’t always remove suffering from the lives of his people.

Charles Spurgeon once preached on God’s providence from the book of Ezekiel. Spurgeon likened God’s providence to a wheel. Just as different parts of the wheel are moving up and down, changing positions, not knowing when it will be up or down again, so it will be with different seasons in life. Some will be better than others. Some seasons will be defined by rain, and some will be by drought.

He says, offering a perspective that helps us demonstrate leadership even when life feels unstable:

During moments of trials, leaning into pride will make you feel like you deserve better but you’re getting the worst. You’ll feel like you deserve friendlier coworkers, or more obedient children, or a better spouse. Instead, you feel like you’re stuck with what you have. Pride will blindfold you and let doubt creep in and prevent you from seeing who God is and what He is doing.

But trusting in God’s providence turns your gaze upward. While trials themselves might not disappear, you see that suffering comes with affection and purpose – a loving hand of God that means to do good in you. This perspective is central to understanding Jesus and leadership; He endured the cross for the joy set before Him, trusting the Father’s plan perfectly.

And trusting, not rejecting, God also enables and strengthens us to equip others. It instills humility that leaders need in order to love and serve the people around them. Or it causes us to be more compassionate—one of the vital 10 characteristics of servant leadership—giving us new language to speak sympathetically. By doing so, we emulate the leadership traits of Jesus, who always led with compassion and dependence on the Father.

What situation are you in? And how are you responding to the situation? Turn your eyes upwards to God the Father who, in his providence, loves you and trust that he is sanctifying you in the midst of your situation. And let this trust in God turn to love for others. Remember that everything in your life is appointed by the Father’s hand. His eyes are not off of you. He is for you.

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Discussion Questions:

1. How has trusting in God’s providence looked like in your life?
2. In what ways are you tempted to treat people and situations when you don’t remember God’s sovereignty?
3. What are some lessons that God has revealed to you after trials? Can you think of any trials that have been wasted?

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Conclusion

Humble leadership first begins by delighting in God’s Word. Pride can’t root itself in God’s Word. Rather, in the soil of God’s Word, humility is planted and grown. When we delight and meditate on the Scriptures, we remember that we are made for His glory, and that our joy ultimately comes from being reconciled to him. Christian leadership marked by humility also requires committing to His Church. God’s Church is the gym where Christians see faithful leadership practiced and can imitate healthy leaders. Finally, right stewardship of influence requires trusting God’s providence in every circumstance. We’re able to correctly steward our influence through leadership if only we acknowledge that it was given for our good by a sovereign God.

These truths remind us that humility is not weakness but strength rooted in dependence on Christ. It’s God’s Word, God’s church, and God’s providence. When we lead from this posture, our influence becomes life-giving rather than self-serving. It brings life and flourishing to those who relate to us, work for us, listen to us, and obey us. Pastors and parents, you especially carry a unique authority that requires stewardship, balancing leadership in the home and ministry. How are you handling it? Is your leadership marked by humility or by arrogance? Do you listen to others or only listen to yourself?

How would you describe Biblical servant leadership? What does stewarding authority and influence for others look like? It looks like love—love that pours itself out for others. This is the heart behind the best verses about servant leadership. Apostle Paul describes, “Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not arrogant, is not rude, is not self-seeking, is not irritable, and does not keep a record of wrongs. Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).

May we strive to be leaders who reflect the character of Jesus—the One who came not to be served but to serve—embodying true Godly leadership so that those under our care see Him, not us, as the ultimate source of hope and joy.

End Notes

1. See Christopher Ash, The Psalms: A Christ-Centered Commentary, II.5-6.
2. John Webster, Christ Our Salvation: Expositions and Proclamations, ed. Daniel J. Bush (Bellingham, WA: Lexham Press, 2020), 21.
3. Dever, What Is a Healthy Church?, 98
4. See Authority by Jonathan Leeman
5. https://archive.spurgeon.org/sermons/3114.php

About the Author

SAM KOO serves as a Pastoral Assistant at Capitol Hill Baptist Church in Washington, D.C. He is married to his wife, Anna, and together they have two sons, James and Noah.

#93 Avoiding Overcommitment: Saying Yes to God First

#91 Debt Forgiveness: Grace for Those Who Owe You

#88 Avoiding Legal Trouble: Wisdom in Disputes

#83 Handling Success: Staying Humble When You Win

#78 Retirement God’s Way: Purpose Beyond the Paycheck

#73 Stewarding Wealth: Using Money for Eternal Good

#66 Wise Investments: Growing Wealth God’s Way

#64 Planning Your Legacy: Living Today for Tomorrow’s Impact

#62 Financial Responsibility in Marriage: Aligning Finances with Your Spouse

1 Biblical Framework

He Owns It All

The Psalmist says, “The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it” (Psalm 24:1). Paul tells Timothy, “For we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world” (1 Tim. 6:7). By recognizing that the Lord owns everything, it should loosen our demand for control, our obsession with material gain, and our fear of failure. If God owns everything, then we are more like managers of what God has given us rather than owners. This is where we are to be faithful stewards (1 Cor. 4:2), practicing money management that honors God as the ultimate provider.

The Goodness of Wealth

What’s more is that the Bible often speaks of finances and even wealth in positive ways. If God created it, it is good. Here are a couple of ways wealth is positively framed in Scripture:  

• Sometimes wealth is a sign of God’s blessing. God does, in fact, bless people with wealth. 

Riches and honor are with me, enduring wealth and righteousness (Proverbs 8:18).

The blessing of the Lord makes rich, and he adds no sorrow with it (Proverbs 10:22).

• Wealth can also be a sign of wise living. The implementation of wisdom with your wealth can put you on good financial ground.      

The crown of the wise is their wealth, but the folly of fools brings folly (Proverbs 14:24).

Wealth is God’s gift to us. It’s a reflection of God’s goodness towards us and just like any gift, it can be twisted, misused, and become idolatrous. Financial responsibility means recognizing that, while wealth is good, it is also to be handled with care and integrity. To avoid turning money into an idol is to recognize its limitations and understand the importance of being financially responsible in all areas of our lives.

Wealth’s shortfall

In the light of eternity, wealth in this life comes with serious limitations. Here are a few limitations the Bible offers us.

1. Money cannot deliver anyone from the wrath of God.

“Riches do not profit in the day of wrath, but righteousness delivers from death” (Proverbs 11:4).

Jesus tells the church in Laodicea, “You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked” (Revelation 3:17).

• Wealth is temporary.

“For riches do not last forever; and does a crown endure to all generations?” (Proverbs 27:24)

“Let the lowly brother boast in his exaltation, and the rich in his humiliation, because like a flower of the grasshe will pass away. For the sun rises with its scorching heat and withers the grass; its flower falls, and its beauty perishes. So also will the rich man fade away in the midst of his pursuits” (James 1:9-11).

• Wealth is not our ultimate goal.  

“Whoever trusts in his riches will fall, but the righteous will flourish like a green leaf” (Proverbs 11:28).

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matthew 6:33).

As we consider these biblical truths, it is clear that financial responsibility involves understanding these limitations. Financial priorities should be rooted in eternal values, not in the fleeting nature of material wealth.

Stewardship

The word “manager” is a modern term. What we think of when we think of a manager, the Bible speaks of a “steward” (1 Cor. 4:2). In essence, these are the same thing. But if I had to offer a definition of stewardship, I would say it is the faithful management of resources, entrusted to us for God’s purposes, to be used in ways that glorify Him by blessing others. Whatever the Lord gives us, He entrusts to us for a season. There’s a weight and responsibility that must be felt by all believers because we will be held accountable for how we use the resources He has given us (Luke 12:42-48; Romans 14:12).

Why does God make us stewards? Well, for one thing, managing resources effectively is a key part of our spiritual discipleship. In the beginning, God created humanity in His image and gave us dominion over His creation (Gen. 1:26-28). Man was made a steward of everything God had made. What’s more, man was to bring God glory by caring for each aspect of God’s creation. By making us stewards of His creation, God invites us to mirror His wisdom, care, and generosity. He created us to be active participants in His work. Joining Him in this work is part of how He builds our character and makes us look more like Him (Luke 16:10).

Recall earlier where finance is about relational responsibility. Money management is how we learn to trust God when we have little or when we have much. It trains us to align our hearts with His purposes and priorities. It’s one aspect of our relationship with the Lord. God is a loving Father entrusting small tasks to His children to help them learn financial responsibility and grow in intimacy with Him. God’s promise? He will guide us and the process of our growth for our good. As He does so, we are to provide for our family (1 Tim. 5:8), give generously to others (2 Cor. 9:7), support gospel ministry in our church (Phil. 4:15-17), and invest in eternity (Matt. 6:19-21).

Reflection Questions:

1. How does acknowledging God as owner of all things change how you view what you “own”?
2. How have you been taught to think about money? Is it taboo?
3. Who has modeled good financial stewardship for you?
4. Have you ever been tempted to idolize wealth?

2 Financial Goals for Christian Couples

“And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent.” – Colossians 1:18

Fearing and honoring God first

What goals should a married couple have for our finances? I think that’s an excellent question. First and foremost, we must be motivated by the fear of the Lord and desire to honor God first. Solomon writes, “Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the firstfruits of all your produce; then your barns will be filled with plenty, and your vats will be bursting with wine” (Proverbs 3:9-10). But how do we honor God with our money?

The first thing we must realize is that we only honor God with our money when we trust him with all our needs. Just before Solomon shared that bit about the firstfruits, he wrote, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6).

The command to trust God “with all your heart” means that we are to commit our whole selves to God’s care. In other words, God rather than our money is what we are trusting. Solomon is telling us that we must believe that God is who he says he is and that that means he can meet our every need. We are to trust in God’s character and believe his promises. So, for example, when God says that he will “never leave us for forsake us,” we should trust that that is truly the case!     

One of the ways we display gratitude towards and confidence in God is by giving generously to our church and to others. We shouldn’t give out of guilt or compulsion. Instead, we should give cheerfully, joyfully and with liberty and out of love for God and neighbor. Our giving should be done in recognition that God himself has been generous with us. Consider this passage by the apostle Paul:

“And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. ²⁴ For in this hope we were saved.” (Romans 8:23-24a)   

The “firstfruits of the Spirit” is the “first installment” of salvation and the pledge that guarantees our ultimate redemption at the end of the age. Paul wrote elsewhere:

“In Him, you also, after listening to the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation—having also believed, you were sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of the promise, who is a first installment of our inheritance, in regard to the redemption of God’s own possession, to the praise of His glory.” (Ephesians 1:13-14)

A “first installment” means there are more installments to come. God has justified and preserved us and has promised to glorify us in the world to come. Our justification is by the forgiveness of our sins through the shed blood of Christ. Our preservation is by the sealing of the Holy Spirit. And we will receive future glorification when we’re in the presence of God. God has been generous and gracious to us.  We acknowledge God’s generosity towards us by honoring Him first with our “firstfruits.” So then, whatever type of income you receive, honor God first with it.

Stinginess stifles flourishing

Let’s contrast honoring God first with stinginess. A part of being created in the image of God is having moral agency. By “agency,” I mean the exercise of a person’s choices, in so far as they are capable, to make things happen in the world and to affect or prevent changes within the world. Generosity, by definition, represents a form of agency. When we give, we are intervening in something or someone else’s circumstances with resources to do good. When we give as couples or individuals, we are reflecting God’s generosity. And to what end do we give? Well, in part, we give so that we may flourish more. Yes, we give for God’s glory. And yes, we give for others’ good. But there’s more to it than that. When we obey God and follow his example of generosity, it actually works for our good—for our flourishing! The world thinks its best for couples to use all their wealth on themselves and that doing so leads to flourishing, but the logic of the Bible is actually the opposite! We grow in our marriages when we give!

Contrast this with the view of people who think “I cannot make a difference in the world,” or “What I do does not matter.” There’s no hope or purpose in that sentiment. People who live in a perceived world of scarcity, deficiency, and insecurity tend to hoard things, which results in impoverishment of a different kind, namely, being anxious, feeling vulnerable, and dissatisfied. That’s not how the people of God are to be. God is “rich in mercy” (Ephesians 2:4). Being redeemed image bearers of God gives us purpose and meaning. So then, our decisions matter, our giving matters, and our giving impacts eternity.   

My son, Gabriel, is adopted. As you probably know, adoption is a very expensive proposition. We paid a portion of the costs but through the generosity of others that financial burden significantly lessened. Adoption may not have even been possible for us except through the generosity others showed. Adoption changed Gabriel’s life. What’s more is that he’s changed our family’s life. Now Gabriel is a member of a family where he is loved, cared for, and hears the gospel every day. Do you see how generosity can so easily lead to eternal impact? I hope we feel the weight of that. When we give sacrificially, it pushes out greed and selfishness within our own hearts and deepens our ability to love others more. Giving fights against consumerism and self-indolence.

Save with Wisdom and Diligence

But before you think “my spouse and I need to give everything away,” let’s be wise in our approach towards wealth and possessions. We need to be balanced and holistic in our thinking about wealth. We can give everything away and feel “spiritual” or “godly” but if it ends up undercutting our other stewardships, then it may have actually been foolish. Paul tells Timothy to “provide for your household” and if you don’t you have “denied the faith” and are “worse than an unbeliever” (2 Timothy 5:8). Can you think of a worse indictment than “you’ve denied the faith and are worse than an unbeliever?” Money management for your family is not selfish but wise. Again, Solomon writes, “He who gathers in summer is a prudent son, but he who sleeps in harvest is a son who brings shame” (Proverbs 10:4-5).

How does money management help us provide for our families? Well, money can provide protection: A rich man’s wealth is his strong city; the poverty of the poor is their ruin (Proverbs 10:15).

There are unexpected expenses that happen all the time. We have plumbing issues, tires wear out, and things break. Yet, many of us don’t plan for these things even though we inherently know to expect the unexpected. There are also crises that happen. You can have unexpected medical bills, suffer a job loss, or go bankrupt. You should save to protect yourselves from these types of situations and build your “strong city.” Doing so is part of financial responsibility. Do you know that you and your spouse are responsible for yourselves and your children in these ways? Because you are, you should be wise and save some of your money. Sure, saving is work. But it’s wise work!

The Bible also points to creation and an example of the prudence in saving. Proverbs 6:6-8 says:

Go to the ant, you sluggard;
    consider its ways and be wise!
It has no commander,
    no overseer or ruler,
yet it stores its provisions in summer
    and gathers its food at harvest.

The ant isn’t thinking about financial goals or retirement planning. It simply prepares for what might come. Proverbs is pointing us to the wisdom of intentional and consistent preparation. An ant can plan ahead without excuse. How much more should we, as image-bearers of God, prepare with diligence and prudence? Managing resources is a godly discipline.

Spend with discernment and integrity

While saving requires diligence and discipline, it’s not the end goal. We don’t save simply to stockpile wealth—we save so we can live wisely, give generously, and spend with discernment.

But how we spendwhat we’ve saved is just as important. In fact, our spending often reveals more about our hearts than our budgets do. If saving is a test of self-control, then spending is a test of character. Let’s turn now to how Proverbs challenges us to approach spending with wisdom and purpose.

Solomon wrote, “With me (wisdom) are riches and honor, enduring wealth and prosperity” (Proverbs 8:18). We must seek wisdom so riches can “endure.” You will need wisdom and understanding in order to spend wisely. Listen to how the wife of noble character is described when it comes to handling wealth:

She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. (Proverbs 31:18-20) 

She is discerning and knows the market and the value of her product. More than that, she not only makes a profit but she “opens her hand to the poor.”

While wisdom leads to “enduring” wealth, in contrast, laziness and foolish behavior leads to poverty. “Lazy hands make for poverty, but diligent hands bring wealth” (Proverbs 10:4).

Foolishness or unwise spending can include attempting to keep up social appearances, spending sprees as an escape mechanism, sinful indolence, living beyond your means or being engulfed with materialism that leads to massive debt. And yet, Solomon said, “Whoever loves pleasure will be a poor man; he who loves wine and oil will not be rich” (Proverbs 21:17).

That doesn’t mean we can’t have nice things or go on a nice vacation and make wonderful memories. But we’ve crossed the line from wise to foolish when we live beyond our means.

In summary, a biblical approach to money means we honor God first, save wisely, and spend with discernment. We start by honoring the Lord with our firstfruits—not as an afterthought, but as a declaration of trust. Then we save not out of fear or hoarding, but with wisdom and purpose—because we’re stewards, not consumers. And finally, we spend with intentionality, knowing every dollar is a reflection of what we value. Sacrificing, saving, and spending aren’t just financial categories—they’re spiritual disciplines that reveal who or what we truly worship.

Reflection Questions:

1. How does fearing God with our finances affect your approach to money management?
2. What messages or lessons did you receive about managing resources growing up?
3. Have you discussed financial responsibility with your spouse? How have you navigated couple finances together?

3 Financial Unity in Marriage

We’ve just looked at what the Bible says should shapeour financial goals as Christians—honoring God first, fearing Him above wealth, saving wisely, and spending with discernment. These are not just personal goals; they’re shared goals.

But here’s the truth: it doesn’t matter how good your theology of money is if you and your spouse are not on the same page.

You can have the best budget and intentions, but if you’re pulling in opposite directions, not only will the plan not materialize, but it’s going to create friction and conflict. Money and marriage are deeply intertwined. In marriage, finances are never just about the numbers. They’re about trust, transparency, unity, and values. So now we turn to the question: How do couples split finances in a way that reflects unity and biblical stewardship?

One Flesh, One Bank Account

Genesis 2:24 says, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” This describes the deep, covenantal bond between a husband and wife, where two distinct individuals are united physically, emotionally, and spiritually into a new, inseparable partnership.

It means they no longer operate as two competing individuals but as one united team—with shared purpose, shared responsibilities, and shared lives under God’s design. When it comes to finances in marriage, it’s not just about managing money but about managing a shared life under God’s plan.

I don’t think the Bible necessarily says that having separate bank accounts is sinful. There may be good reasons for having separate accounts, like if one spouse has their own business and needs to keep a different business account for tracking purposes. However, in the context of finances and marriage, I believe it is unwise for you and your spouse to keep separate accounts.

If the “one flesh” union is about being inseparable partners, then this should certainly include our finances. This is especially the case given that the Bible so often identifies our money in relationships with what matters most to us. I understand there is going to be tension between transparency and autonomy, but let’s look at some data.

In the book “Get Married” by Brad Wilcox, he argues that couples who pooled their money were more than 20% less likely to divorce compared to couples who kept separate finances. Additionally, multiple sources note that shared checking accounts correlate with lower divorce rates and higher marital satisfaction (e.g., Institute of Family Studies). The data clearly shows that managing wealth together yields better long-term outcomes.

Now, there’s nothing magical about a joint checking account. This is not a silver bullet for marital bliss. However, joint accounts facilitate transparency and force a shared outlook on finances that does improve and protect relationships. The “one-fleshness” of Genesis may be speaking about marital intimacy but a joint checking account is next door!

If you’re uncertain about fully merging accounts, consider that it’s not about control, and it’s not about micromanaging each other. There’s still room for personal discretion—like having a budgeted amount for each spouse to spend freely. In the end, a question like how to deal with money issues in a relationship is going to look different for every couple, but there should also be shared visibility. You don’t have to ask permission for every purchase, but you should be able to see what’s going on at any time.

Remember that in a Christian marriage, unity doesn’t mean uniformity. It means we’re working toward the same vision and handling money in relationships together with honesty and care.

A joint account creates the context for that kind of shared stewardship—and research and Scripture both affirm that it leads to stronger, healthier marriages.

Financial communication

Here is this point in a nutshell: you have to talk to each other about money. I know that sentence may seem needless on the surface but many couples run into trouble simply because they do not communicate with each other and establish clear goals and objectives.

You can share one bank account and still not share financial unity. You can be “one flesh” and still totally miss each other when it comes to your financial fears, habits, and goals. When you do speak to each other, it’s important to keep in mind what your concerns are. Listen in order to understand your spouse. That doesn’t mean you’ll agree with them, but you can’t reach unity until you understand one another. The apostle James isn’t necessarily thinking about money, but his words are true for marriage and finances:

“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires” (James 1:19).

While communicating with each other, there will be fears, habits, and family of origin issues that will come up. That can be awkward and you may not know how to initially react. Know that that’s completely normal. Pray with each other in that. Before you assert your opinion or reply, rearticulate back to your spouse what you heard them say. Be careful to fairly represent their fears and concerns. This will immensely help in disarming defensiveness and bring clarity to the situation. You want light, not heat when it comes to these conversations. Another helpful thing to do is to schedule a planning time. For some couples, it’ll need to be frequent. As you get better at following a plan, you’ll find out that you’ll need less meetings. But it takes work to get there.    

Aligning values and vision

“Where there is no vision, the people perish.” (Proverbs 29:18)

Money conversations aren’t just about numbers, they’re about values. What we spend, save, and give to reveals what we care about most. So once we’re talking openly, the next step is to ask: Are we aiming at the same things? Are our values aligned? Do we have a shared vision for our life together—or are we just surviving paycheck to paycheck? This is important because couples who align their values can align their vision—and couples with shared vision can walk in unity.

There are typically two money personalities—call them the spender and the saver. While working towards an aligned vision with your spouse, it helps to keep in mind which you are vs. which your spouse is. Meaning, in a relationship, there tends to be a person who is the spender and a person who is the saver. The difference between you and your spouse is likely where a lot of your conflict happens. Dave Ramsey uses the terms “nerd” (saver) and the “free spirit” (spender).

I think that’s helpful but let’s use biblical images to describe this dynamic. The saver is like the ant in Proverbs. “Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise! It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest” (Proverbs 6:6-8). The lesson here is that the ant embodies foresight, discipline, and preparation. This mirrors money management and the saver’s instinct to build reserves, avoid debt, and prepare for lean seasons. While all these attributes are good, the tendency for the saver is that they can lean towards hoarding or placing security in savings rather than God.

The biblical image for the spender is the “bird of the air.” Jesus said, “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” (Matthew 6:25-26). The bird illustrates trust in God’s provision and freedom from anxiety over material needs. This mirrors money and marriage, as the spender’s capacity to enjoy what God has given and live in the moment. While it’s wonderful to enjoy what God has given, the tendency for the spender is to lean towards impulsiveness or neglect planning for the future.

One of the tasks of every marriage is to balance however much saver and spender you and your spouse are. The ant without the bird’s faith may become anxious, tight-fisted, and stingy. The bird without the ant’s wisdom may become impulsive and live unprepared. Again, Solomon proves helpful. He writes, “It is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other. Whoever fears God will avoid all extremes” (Ecclesiastes 7:18).

A marriage benefits when the saver learns joyful generosity and the spender learns wise restraint—together they reflect both prudence and trust. The key in the process of aligning your values and vision is to recognize you need each other.

Where to start?

First, start with a written budget. Every single financial responsibility program or planner will tell you this. You can have a budget on paper, an excel spreadsheet, or on an app on your phone. It really doesn’t matter. The point is to have something visible. You need to see your income and expenses. If you’re having financial problems in marriage, having a budget helps you identify if it’s an income problem or a spending problem. Sometimes it can be both. But there’s no way to direct your money if you don’t know where it’s going.

Once you see where your money is going, it’s time to direct your money to where you want it to go. This is called a “zero-based budget” where you “zero out” your income by giving every dollar a place to go (e.g., savings, debt, etc.).

If your issue is overspending (spending more than you make), then a budget can help you see where to cut back. However, it’s important to note that overspending can easily lead to conflict. You may be upset with your spouse for overspending and being careless. This is where the gospel is crucial. We need to “be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).If both of you are committed to moving forward with a plan, then this is an opportunity to extend grace towards one another and build relational equity as you gain clarity on your spending habits.

After getting clarity on how much you make as a household and how your income is being spent, you can begin to share financial goals as a couple. You can talk about giving, retirement planning, or debt reduction. This is the time when you and your spouse agree on what matters most. A step towards financial unity in marriage is developing shared purpose and mission. Your couple finances are made to serve that mission.

Here are a few examples of shared financial purposes in marriage:

·  “We want to live simply so we can give generously.”

·  “We want financial margin to spend more time with our kids.”

·  “We want to be debt-free to be available for missions or ministry.”

·  “We want to model stewardship and contentment for our children.”

If you have a shared purpose, you can avoid conflict and money issues in marriage that turn into arguments like, “Why are you saving so much?” “Why can’t we go on that trip?” “Why are we not [insert the blank]?” God has a purpose for your marriage and your money is meant to serve that purpose.

Reflection Questions:

1. What do we want our money to say about us?
2. What kind of life do we feel called to live?
3. What kingdom priorities should shape our finances in marriage?

4 Common Challenges and Biblical Wisdom

We’ve laid out some of the financial goals that should shape every Christian couple—honoring God first, saving wisely, and spending with discernment. These are good and biblical aims. But let’s be honest: just because we know what we should do doesn’t mean we always do it.

Life is messy. We get blindsided by emergencies. We carry debt. We wrestle with fear and selfishness. Sometimes we just never learned how to handle money wisely, and other times we’ve made decisions we now regret. Perhaps you don’t even know where to start. It can be overwhelming. It can also illicit feelings of shame.

At the heart of these struggles is the tension between financial responsibility and the daily realities of relationship and money—a tension that every couple faces at some point. This next section isn’t about shame—it’s about grace and growth. God speaks to the real, raw places of financial stress and misalignment in our lives. The beauty of Proverbs—and the Bible as a whole—is that it doesn’t just give us ideals. It gives us wisdom for when we fall short and guidance for how to move forward.

Let’s talk about some of the common financial challenges couples face, and how God’s Word gives us wisdom to confront them—not with guilt, but with hope.

Build an emergency fund

“The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.” (Proverbs 22:3)

Emergencies don’t announce themselves. Things always come up. Remember, saving money isn’t about stockpiling or selfishness but about stewardship and preparation. When it comes to financial goals, you need a clear purpose. When you are saving for the purposes of an emergency fund, you need to recognize that money is not for your vacation fund or “play” money. It’s specifically used for emergencies.

How Much Should We Save?

A general guideline is to start with at least $1,000 in savings. The key to being financially successful is not a single decision but a series of decisions. Over time, you can continue to build up the emergency fund. Your next goal may be to build savings representing 3–6 months of essential expenses. That may seem like a lot, but start small and stay consistent. “Whoever gathers little by little will increase it” (Proverbs 13:11). To build your emergency fund, make minimum payments to all your debt obligations and take all your surplus and put it into your savings. Once you reach that initial goal of $1,000, then you can focus on debt reduction.

Clearing the debt

When I talk to people about finances, what becomes clear is that most people are in debt. If you’re free from debt, you’re already ahead of the game.

“The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower is the slave of the lender.” (Proverbs 22:7)

Debt can place you in a position of vulnerability, limit freedom, and cause anxiety. You should avoid debt when possible.

“Be not one of those who give pledges, who put up security for debts. If you have nothing with which to pay, why should your bed be taken from under you?” (Proverbs 22:26–27)

In this passage, Solomon is warning against co-signing because he doesn’t want you to overextend yourself. Now, debt isn’t a sin, but it can be a serious burden. You’ll need to evaluate what kinds of debt you have or the kind of debt you should be willing to take on.

Before we look at the categories of debt, it’s worth remembering that financial responsibility sits at the heart of discipleship. Scripture consistently shows that wise financial decisions are not merely practical—they’re spiritual acts of obedience. And in marriage, ignoring finances rarely stays “just financial.” Many couples discover that money issues in relationships reveal deeper fears, insecurities, or unspoken expectations. Learning how to handle money wisely becomes one of the primary ways you learn to love your spouse well.

First, let’s start with “good” kinds of debt. Home mortgage count toward this kind of debt. A mortgage allows you to build equity and is a great long-term asset. Unlike stocks and bonds, your investment is a physical property. Of course, you want that mortgage to be within reason. Financial experts usually say to have your mortgage payment roughly around 25% of your gross monthly income.

A quick example may help. If you’re household income is $7,000/month (gross), 25% of the income is $1,750. According to this rule, you should aim for your total mortgage, taxes, and insurance to be around $1,750.

Mortgages that exceed 35% of your gross income can be an indication you’re overextending yourself. These are not hard rules but guidelines that give you markers to watch out for. It’s about counting the cost before committing. It might be worth it to live in a smaller house and experience less stress.

Another kind of “good” debt may be a modest auto loan. I know some financial experts who are completely against auto loans. Ideally, if you can pay cash for a car, then pay cash to avoid debt. However, if you run into a situation where you can take out a modest loan for a modest car with a decent interest rate, then it may be wise to do it depending on your situation. If you don’t absolutely need a car, then don’t take out the loan.

Next up—student loans. This is a gray area for me. In general, investing in education may increase income and opportunity. But it doesn’t always work out that way. Make sure you get a degree that’s marketable and will give you opportunities. Don’t get a degree simply because you “like” the subject matter. You can study that subject during your spare time for free. If you’re going to take out student loans, then do it with a purpose.

Let’s move on to bad debt. Bad debt would be any non-essential, often depreciating thing that comes with a high interest rate. This includes credit card debt, payday loans, purchasing luxury items for status. Many people put their present and future at risk by impulsive spending without a plan. This goes back to our spiritual condition. If your spending is out of control, get to the root cause. Are we content with the Lord? Are you exercising self-control? Are you being wise?

How do I get out of debt?

“The wicked borrows but does not pay back, but the righteous is generous and gives.”

– Psalm 37:21

First, acknowledge any poor stewardship, idolatry, or any insecurities you may have. Second, do not dwell in shame but pray to God, repent, and commit to a new mindset. Let the Holy Spirit do a work in your heart by transforming your mind.

Now, roll up your sleeves and get to work. Start by listing all your debts and creating a plan. There are a couple of ways to start eliminating debt. You have the popular “Debt Snowball” (Dave Ramsey Method). This is where you pay off the smallest debt first while making minimum payments on others. As each is paid off, apply that amount to the next smallest. This is designed to build momentum. As you pay off each debt, you’re motivated to continue.

A second method is the “Debt Avalanche,” where you pay off the debt with the highest interest rate first. This saves you the most in the long term. Choosing a payoff strategy is one example of how to handle finances in marriage: it requires agreement, honesty, and a shared plan.

Whatever method you choose, come to an agreement with setting limits on spending and clearly defining your needs. Remember that you need to work as a team. This is an opportunity to extend grace and patience toward one another. Seek to understand the other person’s fears and anxieties. It’s easy to know your own sacrifices because you’re the one making them. Look to see how your spouse is also making sacrifices and encourage them in those.

Investing with purpose

Paying off debt can feel like taking a heavy backpack off after a long uphill climb. But don’t waste that sweet relief. It’s time to start thinking about the future. Being debt-free is only a part of the financial plan. Wise stewardship isn’t just about avoiding disasters but about building toward the future. It’s about wisely planting seeds today that can bless your family, your church, and future generations. This is where financial responsibility begins to move from short-term survival toward long-term stability. Let’s talk about how to do that with clarity, unity, and trust in the One who holds your tomorrow.

When it comes to different investments like stocks, bonds, and mutual funds, I’m not going to talk about how they work. This would be beyond the scope of this life skill guide. When I use the word “investment(s)” I’m using it as an all-encompassing term that includes the most common investments. Consult with a financial advisor to understand the particular details of investing in different kinds of opportunities. Practicing financial responsibility also means knowing when to seek wise counsel instead of guessing your way through decisions.

In short, you should invest in something—ideally something with a good return (think 15%+). The earlier you begin the better. Also, if your place of employment offers some type of retirement matching program then take advantage of it. If they have a matching program and you’re not taking advantage of it, then you’re saying “no” to free money. Taking steps like these is one of the simplest demonstrations of financial responsibility in everyday life.

I am sometimes asked, “Should I pay off all my debt before investing?” In short, no. People usually have a mortgage while investing in their retirement accounts. But the answer to that question may vary depending on your situation. You can set a goal to pay off 75% of your consumer debt before investing. You can decide a different percentage. This is a wisdom issue and therefore a judgment call. But if the minimum payments on all your debt give you little margin, then it’s probably not time to invest yet. That reality is not meant to shame you—but to guide you into deeper financial responsibility that protects your future.

Leaving a legacy

“A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children, but the sinner’s wealth is laid up for the righteous.” (Proverbs 13:22)

Every couple will leave something behind. The question is not whether we will leave a legacy, but what kind of legacy it will be. Legacy is about more than passing down money or property—it’s about passing down values, faith, and a way of life that reflects God’s heart. A legacy shaped by financial responsibility becomes a testimony of God’s faithfulness, not just your planning skills.

A biblical legacy doesn’t just say, “I had enough for myself.” It says, “I stewarded what God gave me in a way that will bless others long after I’m gone.” That blessing starts in your own home and ripples outward to your church, your community, and even generations you will never meet.

When my wife and I first got married, like most couples, we didn’t have enough to purchase our own home. But my father-in-law, Phil Davis, rented his investment property to us at well below market value so we could save money for a house of our own. After a year of working hard and saving diligently, we were able to buy a home in the area.

Nearly sixteen years later, we still live in that same house. We now have four children. My wife works, but she doesn’t have to—which is a relief for her. I often think about how my father-in-law took a loss every month on his rental property to help us get started. And he did this while faithfully giving to his local church, taking visitors out to lunch, and contributing to the benevolence fund.

Tragically, he was killed in a car accident in May of 2020. Yet because he had prepared well, my mother-in-law has been provided for. I think often about how hard he worked to care for his family. After my wife and I got married, he could have easily said, “She’s not my responsibility anymore.” But he never thought that way. Instead, he continued to be generous at every opportunity. His life was a picture of quiet, steady financial responsibility rooted in love for God and others.

His generosity will be felt for the next hundred years. I would much rather have that kind of legacy than spend my life in the dark without a plan—constantly frustrated and wondering why I “can’t get ahead.” A legacy built on financial responsibility is never accidental—it is the result of long-term faithfulness and intentional stewardship.

Your legacy is not measured by the size of your bank account but by the depth of your faithfulness. And here’s the point: a legacy like his doesn’t happen by accident. It’s built through intentional stewardship, long-term vision, and a heart that sees money as a tool for blessing, not merely as a means of personal comfort.

Reflection Questions:

1. When was the last time you had an emergency and no money to get out of it?
2. Talk to your mentor about your debt situation. I know this can be scary but try to be transparent. Once you bring it to the light, you can get to work eliminating it.
3. Have you ever invested? If so, in what? Are you invested now? How are you growing in learning about new investment opportunities?
4. What kind of legacy do you want to leave?

Conclusion

Thank you for taking the time to read this life skill guide. I know your life is full, your days are busy, and your attention is pulled in a hundred different directions. The fact that you’ve invested your time to think, pray, and talk about aligning your finances with your spouse says something about the kind of future you want to build, and it reflects a growing commitment to financial responsibility in your home.

I pray this life skill guide helps you take practical steps toward unity, peace, and purpose in your financial life together. My hope is not just that you’ll have more money in the bank, but that your marriage will grow stronger, your faith will grow deeper, and your joy in God’s provision will overflow into generosity. As you apply these principles, remember that financial responsibility is not merely a skill but an expression of trust in God and care for one another.

If you remember anything from these pages, let it be this: money is temporary, but the way you steward it can have an eternal impact. Handle it together. Handle it wisely. Handle it in a way that honors the One who gave it to you in the first place. Building a life of financial responsibility is one more way of saying to God, “Everything we have is Yours.”

May the Lord bless you and keep you, give you wisdom for every decision, and fill your home with the kind of peace that comes only from walking in his ways—together.

About the Author

Junior Jamreonvit serves as the Director of Mens Ministry at Grace EV Free Church in La Mirada, California.

#58 Avoiding Greed: Contentment in a Material World

Part One: The Universal Quest

It’s no surprise you’re unhappy. Less surprising still that you want to be happy. Let me explain why. The author of Ecclesiastes (the Teacher, as he calls himself) set out to find “what is good for people to do under heaven during the few days of their lives” (Eccl. 2:3). But the Teacher isn’t the only one on such a journey to find happiness. God has given all people the same undertaking to find life or happiness (Eccl. 1:13). You could think of it as a quest.

One of the most common aspects of fantasy or myth is the quest. There’s some kind of problem that can only be resolved by means of a mission. A council is held in Rivendell to determine the fate of the Ring. Elrond rightly declares it must be destroyed in Mount Doom. Little Frodo bravely volunteers to take it, and the rest of the trilogy is that: a quest against the Nazgul and Orcs, temptation, and physical trial, all to save Middle-Earth.[1]

The first half of Ecclesiastes is basically the Teacher’s quest. He’s not out to destroy a ring or recover lost treasure, though. More significant than these, his is a quest for meaning and happiness in life. And the primary tool the Teacher utilizes is wisdom. The book of Ecclesiastes is all about his attempt to experience and then to weigh, consider, and tell us what he found.

He sought happiness by pursuing and enjoying all of the same things you’re inclined to try (Eccl. 2:1-11). He amassed wealth and properties. He tried wine, wisdom, folly, and sex. He threw parties. He employed masses. He grew in reputation and standing.

You name it, he had it. He saw, desired it, and acquired it (Eccl. 2:10). He didn’t withhold from himself anything. And when it was all said and done, he considered all that he had accomplished, and he found that it was “futile and a pursuit of the wind” (Eccl. 2:11). Your translation may say vain or meaningless. The point is, it left him frustrated.

In fact, if you study the text, you’ll find that it’s loaded with language from Genesis 1 and 2. In a world marked by death, injustice, oppression, loneliness, monotony, and heartache, he walled himself inside of paradise. He tried to recreate Eden without prohibitions like “but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat” (Gen. 2:17). But unlike God, who surveyed his creation and called it very good, the Teacher looked at his garden and called it bad: futile and a pursuit of the wind.

Note: he acquired all that you probably desire and more. It was not enough. The reason we’re often so frustrated is that we’re trying to live Genesis 1 in a Genesis 3 world. Trying to gain life in the things of the world is a bit like trying to catch the wind. The second you grasp it; you open your hands to find it as empty as your heart. The pursuit of life is elusive and fleeting; it’s like trying to catch and cling to smoke.

And so, why are you discontent? On some level, you’re trying to find happiness, life, meaning, and value in the world. And so, you’re always pursuing but never arriving.  

The Teacher wants you to learn from his experience. Of course, you’re tempted to think the payout will be different for you. But the only reason you’ve not drawn the same conclusion as him is that you’ve not had the same experience as him. To be frank, you’re probably not at the apex of anything. You’re inclined to think you’ll finally be happy if you get that raise, if you get that degree, if you get that house, because you still stand to gain so much. The Teacher didn’t have that excuse, and that’s why he’s the perfect guinea pig in the quest for happiness.

All your life’s pursuits can be likened to walking up a winding stairwell—there are people ahead of you in all of them, the work is exhausting, and because the stairwell twists, you can’t see when you’ll make it to the end. There’s always more money to be made. More followers to be gained. More sex to be had. Newer tech to buy. You follow those ahead of you, thinking, like them, that soon you’ll make it to the top, but you never do.

The Teacher didn’t have your problem. He led in every stairwell, and with such a great distance between him and the closest follower that he could see he was nowhere nearer the end. He was able to reflect on his experience in a way so few can: will one more property do what the last 30 didn’t? Am I really just one party away from being satisfied? One concubine. One more household servant. He began to see that the math wasn’t adding up.  

Blaise Pascal says that this always-striving-never-reaching experience is “so uniform it should certainly convince us of our inability to reach the good by our own efforts. But example teaches us little. . . And thus, while the present never satisfies us, experience dupes us, and from misfortune to misfortune leads us to death.”[2]

You just keep climbing the stairs, going nowhere until you die. Like the Sun, every day you return to your starting place, out of breath, but never stopping to ask if you’ve made it anywhere (Eccl. 1:5). You haven’t.

So, let me ask you, if you gained all you wanted, would it guarantee your happiness?

It won’t. It can’t.

The Teacher had it all (all that you want) and found it wasn’t enough.

Reflection Questions:

1. Have you ever gained what you most wanted only to find it was never enough? What did that feel like?

2. What does it look like for you to be cultivating contentment in this season of your life?

Part Two: Out of Place and Time

So it’s clear that God has assigned this universal quest for happiness, but how? I, for one, don’t recall sitting down with the Human Resources of Heaven for this job assignment.

God has hardwired it into us. It’s how he made you.

After delivering a poem on the seasons of life (made famous by funerals and Turn! Turn! Turn! by The Byrds), the Teacher explains why we find life in time so frustrating.

First, he repeats that God has given the children of Adam this task (of finding what’s good to do) to keep them occupied (Eccl. 3:10). It’s an inherently frustrating task because, as his list of seasons demonstrates, life begins at birth and ends at death. More than that, everything in between feels like an oscillation between the two. Life is made up of planting and uprooting, of killing and healing, of tearing down and building, of weeping and laughing, of mourning and dancing, of embracing and estrangement, and more (Eccl. 3:1-8).

We want all of life to be laughing and dancing. But life is more like dancing with someone you love at a wedding and then weeping that the person you’ve danced with has died.

The brokenness of the world exacerbates our discontentment. The things we think we need to make us happy are so often stripped from us. And no matter how hard we try, we can’t stop them from being taken away (Eccl. 3:14).

This is, of course, why Jesus tells us not to store up treasures for ourselves on earth, where moth, rust, and thieves destroy and steal, but rather in heaven (Matt. 6:19-20). The frustration we feel when we lose is meant to teach us something about the world and ourselves. My pen doesn’t care whether it’s being used, or in a drawer with other pens, or is lost or found. But you do. There’s something different about how God has made you.

After delivering his poem on the time around us, and after repeating man’s MO (the universal quest of life), the Teacher finally speaks to why—the “time” within us:

God “has also put eternity in their hearts” (Eccl. 3:11).

God has made you different, and it makes you different from everything around you.

There’s an iconic scene in The Lion King that comes after Nala has confronted Simba with his lack of responsibility for his people. Simba experiences an existential crisis as he deals with the guilt of his father’s death, his confusion about his identity, and what responsibility he bears toward his people.

Mufasa appears to Simba in the clouds and calls to his son (try your best to read it as James Earl Jones would):

Simba, you have forgotten me. You have forgotten who you are, and so you have forgotten me. Look inside yourself, Simba. You are more than what you have become. You must take your place in the circle of life. Remember who you are. You are my son. The one true king, remember.

Mufasa calls Simba inward and to the past in order to arouse him to the present. There is a mismatch between who and what Simba is and the way he’s living. If he looks inside and backward, he’ll find that this is true.

Do you know how many lions in the history of the world have looked up to the stars in existential angst? How many meercats have contemplated what they are? How many warthogs have had to remember their identity?

Not a single one.

Do you know how many healthy adults have pondered the meaning of life? How many of us have wondered, “What is the point of all of this?” How many have probed, “Why am I here?” How many have asked, “What happens when we die?”

Do you know how many cultures in history have sought to answer questions about the meaning of life: How did we get here? Where are we going? Why aren’t things the way they’re supposed to be? Will and how will all things be made well?

The human race collectively groans at its misery on Earth. It knows it was made for more than the world can offer.

You see, all creatures live in time. You can measure a rock’s existence in time. You can measure a plant’s life in time. You can measure a dog’s life in time. All created things are in time, but humans are unique in that, in some strange sense, time has been put in us.

The only living thing on the planet that is discontent is man because God created us for more than we currently have. The dog is content with his bone. The plant has its light. But we were made for more than material can offer.

Your always-striving-never-reaching quest for happiness (the inward look) should lead you to discern (after looking back) that we were made for more.

Pascal writes that our inability to satisfy ourselves with the things around us should lead us to conclude “that there was once in man a true happiness of which there now remains to him only the mark and empty trace, which he in vain tries to fill from all his surroundings. . . But these are all inadequate, because the infinite abyss can only be filled by an infinite and immutable object, that is to say, only by God Himself.”[3]

Trying to be satisfied with another raise, a different house, or more followers on social media is like trying to reach infinity by adding ones (or better yet, zeros) together. The math doesn’t add up.

If you’re unhappy, it’s likely because you think you lack something. What you lack cannot be arrived at by gaining more of what’s in the world. Death will ensure all of it will be stripped from you, for starters. You were made for God, and your heart knows it.

God has put eternity in your heart. It’s the knowledge of God, but more like a memory. We could liken it to homesickness. I’m sure you have memories as a child being dropped off at a grandparent’s house, a cousin’s house, or a friend’s house. It was fun at first, but over time, the familial and cultural differences began to rub. The sights, sounds, smells, and customs make you feel alienated. You think to yourself, “We do that differently at my house.” “This is not what it’s like at my home.” With every encounter of distinction, you’re pushed away from that home and drawn back to your own.

That’s part of what God is doing with the seasons of life the Teacher shows us in the poem (the dying, uprooting, mourning, weeping, losing, estrangement, hate, and war). The negative or unfavorable seasons are intended to make you, in a sense, discontent with the things of earth—homesick. Our problem is that when we experience them, we tend to double down in our efforts to gain on earth. We work harder to make God’s gifts do what they cannot. And yet, they’re supposed to teach you to do the opposite. Every encounter with death, every uprooting, every time you have to mourn and weep, every time you’re estranged, or hated—they’re all intended to lead your heart away from this place: “This is not what it’s like in my home.” And the favorable seasons of life—the living, laughing, dancing, loving, building, embracing, and peaceful—they remind your heart, “this feels like home.”

This dual feeling of what isn’t right and of what is, and yet never being able to reach it, is often likened to nostalgia by Christian and non-Christian thinkers alike. That is, the feeling that we were made for more, that we almost remember it, but we somehow can’t reach it, is so universal that there is a term for it.

CS Lewis describes it this way:

Apparently, then, our lifelong nostalgia, our longing to be reunited with something in the universe from which we now feel cut off, to be on the inside of some door which we have always seen from the outside, is no mere neurotic fancy, but the truest index of our real situation. And to be at last summoned inside would be both glory and honor beyond all our merits, and also the healing of that old ache.[4]

You were made to be happy. Your heart knows it. It almost remembers it. The problem is you’re looking in the wrong place.

What we need, then, is not a change in circumstances (not normally, anyhow) but a change in perspective. God’s temporal gifts cannot provide the permanent peace your heart craves. They’re just meant to be enjoyed for what they are and nothing more as you travel home.

The first step to being content, then, is lowering your expectations for what the world can do for you.

Imagine two different people building sandcastles. One man thinks it will be his actual home. You can imagine his determination. The sweat on his brow. The anxiety. The anger. The outbursts every time the wind, wave, or toddler knocks it down.

If you saw him, you might laugh or grimace. You’d analyze the situation with wisdom. He’s chosen foolish means (a sandcastle) toward a good end (a home).

The other man has the same circumstances. The same sand, water, wind, and waves. And yet he has perspective. He understands that the sandcastle is temporary. He doesn’t need it to live. And so, with shovel in hand and a good drink in the other (Eccl. 9:7), he builds with his kids, knowing it will not last, and yet, he enjoys it for what it is while it is.

Again, Jesus tells us:

19 “Don’t store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves don’t break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. – Matthew 6:19-21 (CSB)

And then our Lord adds to his instruction:

24 “No one can serve two masters, since either he will hate one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money. — Matthew 6:24 (CSB)

So often our discontentment is rooted in the love of money because we expect it to do for us what only God can do. Christ warns that you cannot serve both. I think part of what the Teacher aims to show through his teaching on wealth is that you can’t be served by both. Only one can offer you protection, security, peace, life, and joy: money or God. One offers fool’s gold; the other, eternal riches.  

Reflection Questions:

1. What separates humans from the rest of the world with regards to time?

2. What do our longings tell us about what/who we’re made for?

3. How does having too high an expectation for this world set us up for failure?

Part Three: Increased Cravings

How is it that the Teacher was able to amass properties, gardens, household servants, concubines, entertainers, reputation, and more? One word: money. So much of our discontent often lies at the feet of finances. We want more, and we think it can deliver.

The problem is, as we’ve already seen, finite things can’t fill the infinite void.

The Teacher addresses this problem head-on in Chapters 5 and 6.

5:10 The one who loves silver is never satisfied with silver, and whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with income. This too is futile.

6:7 All of a person’s labor is for his stomach, yet the appetite is never satisfied.

You know the feeling, I’m sure, of being starving and the relief and satisfaction that come with eating.

You have a built-in appetite by design. And not just for money (it’s actually the things you think money provides). More fundamentally, you desire happiness, peace, permanence, value—in a word: life.

Unlike eating food and satisfying your hunger, the person who looks to silver or wealth to do what only God can do is never fulfilled. Trying to satisfy your heart with income is like chasing the wind and then trying to get full on what you caught. No matter how many handfuls of air you eat, you’ll never fill up.

Money sees the hole in your heart and says I can fill that if you just chase me. But it can’t do what it promises.

I have a four-year-old daughter. She regularly asks her three older siblings and her parents, “Is today tomorrow?” We all get a kick out of it. The kids especially love answering her, “no.”

I’ve tried my hardest to explain to her that today is not tomorrow and that it’s not possible. With every one of our replies and reproofs, she grows in anger. “NO, IS IT TOMORROW TODAY?!” I understand why she’s upset. She went to bed on some kind of promise—we’re going to the pool tomorrow, for example. And so she wakes up to ask, “Is it tomorrow?” Meaning, is it time for my promise? When we tell her it’s not tomorrow, she hears us pushing her promise back.

Wealth makes you the same promise every day—if you pursue me, I’ll make you happy tomorrow. The problem is that it always pushes back what’s been promised. You’ll find that you actually need one more raise to feel joy. You actually need a little more in the 401K to feel secure. You actually need a larger emergency fund to have peace.

Trying to be satisfied with silver is like going on a walk and trying to make it to the horizon, but it just keeps moving further back. You keep chasing after it, but you find yourself chasing the wind under a different name.  

It doesn’t matter if you make fifty thousand a year or fifty million. It doesn’t matter what your starting number is or your potential for monetary growth—if money is the goal, you’ll never be happy. In a very tangible, material kind of way, you’re trying to add up to the infinite. You cannot add up enough dollars to fill up the infinite in your heart—in truth, you’re draining your heart.

Here’s the problem with greed. It’s not just that money doesn’t satisfy you; it’s that it actually increases your appetite. Pursuing money, thinking it will fulfill you, is like drinking saltwater from the sea. It only adds to your thirst. It only dehydrates you more. Or, you could liken it to a drug addiction, you need more to do what a little used to do. If you’re living for a bonus, but this year’s is half the size of last year’s, the surplus somehow feels like a loss. Few people happily lower their standards of living. Greed has a draining effect on the soul.

Neither money nor the things it can buy can guarantee happiness because happiness is not for sale. It’s a gift.

Reflection Questions:

1. How does money uniquely trick you into thinking that if you only had more, your problems would go away?

2. How does knowing happiness is a gift rather than a right change your perspective?

Part Four: Discontent with a Little and Discontent with a Lot

In chapters 5 and 6, the Teacher tells a story about a man who had everything and yet was unhappy (Eccl. 5:10). His wealth attracted the wrong kinds of people (Eccl. 5:11). His ventures produced anxiety (Eccl. 5:12). He lacked sleep (Eccl. 5:12). He lacked friends (Eccl. 4:7) and most ironic of all, he lacked what he thought money could buy—joy.

But, this man didn’t just have money, he had the Old Testament dream: add to the wealth, children and a long life (Eccl. 6:3). And yet, he wasn’t satisfied.

Grammy and Academy Award-winning Will Smith recently gave an interview where he spoke not about hitting “rock bottom” but a corresponding place he calls “cliff top.”
He says it’s “when you get so high that you realize. . .  literally none of the stuff can make you happy. . . You can get to the end of the material world. You get to the end of money. You get to the end of sex. You get to the end of fame. You have so much. . . and then you go like off a cliff and into an abyss. . . where life loses all of its ability to sustain and please you.”

It’s possible to have everything and find out it’s not enough. That’s what the Teacher has. That’s what it sounds like Will Smith has or had.

No matter how long he lives, if he is not satisfied by good things and does not even have a proper burial, I say that a stillborn child is better off than he — Ecclesiastes 6:3 (CSB)

This man’s life is somehow worse than death. Mel Gibson’s William Wallace was right: all men die, but not all men live. You can be alive and not really live. And this man, from the eyes of the world, has everything to live, and yet is dead inside.

He was discontent with a lot. And then he lost all of his money in a bad venture (Eccl. 5:14; 6:2). Now, he is discontent with a little. He’s hit rock bottom.

15 As he came from his mother’s womb, so he will go again, naked as he came; he will take nothing for his efforts that he can carry in his hands. . . .17  What is more, he eats in darkness all his days, with much frustration, sickness, and anger. — Ecclesiastes 5:15-17 (CSB)

He eats alone in the dark, unwilling to burn a candle because he’s hoarding what little oil he has. You see the imagery. Though he is under the sun, he lives in the darkness, anticipating the grave to which he goes.

The Teacher is showing us a double tragedy in the pursuit of happiness through wealth. It makes you miserable in the making and miserable in the losing. Miserable in the making: anxious, sleepless, friendless, always pursuing but never arriving. Now miserable in the losing. The irony is, the man who lost it all was nowhere nearer to happiness when he was rich, because material possessions are not a prerequisite for joy. But because he tethered his happiness to material wealth, now that he’s poor, he’s even further away from being happy.

Note: not only can wealth not buy you happiness, but the love of it will require from you what little joy you might have possessed.

What is the solution?

The Teacher tells us:

6 Better one handful with rest than two handfuls with effort and a pursuit of the wind.

This is Ecclesiastes’ version of “one in the hand, two in the bush.” It’s better to be content with what you have in one hand than to pursue what you don’t have with two hands and guarantee the loss of what you really need—rest.

To be clear, the issue is not money in itself—it’s the love of money. It’s the thinking that money will do for you what only God can. The love of money often underlies our discontent, as it promises to fulfill every other desire. But it can’t.

It’s better to be content with what you have (what God has given) so you can experience what you really want and need—joy.

The key to being content, then, is twofold: it’s thinking rightly about the things you have (and don’t have) and being rightly related to the one who gives them.

Joy is not something that can be gained by more striving. It’s a gift from God right now.

Reflection Questions:

1. What is the ‘everything’ you’re tempted to seek from this world? What do you think would make you finally happy?

2. How does not being satisfied with everything guarantee you won’t be satisfied with nothing?

Part Five: Samples from Heaven

In contrast to the man who had everything (and was miserable) and then lost it (and was equally miserable), the Teacher tells us about a man whom God gave “riches and wealth” and “allowed him to enjoy them, take his reward, and rejoice in his labor” (Eccl. 5:19).

Notice that riches and wealth don’t necessarily mean happiness and rest (which is why we can be discontent or content regardless of how much we have). God must give the joy.

In fact, God gives gifts for the same reason fathers give gifts—to bring their children joy.

It is also the gift of God whenever anyone eats, drinks, and enjoys all his efforts (Eccl. 3:19).

The problem comes when we’re unsatisfied with what God has given (Eccl. 6:3, 7).

I’m risking redundancy, but it’s worth repeating: what matters is not your circumstances but your perspective. The key to being content or happy is lowering your expectations of the world and increasing your expectations of God.

If you look to wealth and riches, food and drink, friends and work, and wine, to do for you what only God can, you’ll be unhappy. If you receive them for what they are and nothing more, you can enjoy them.

My wife and I have four kids, and so we do most of our shopping at the only place that can reasonably stock our pantry and fridge these days: Costco (if you’re unfamiliar, it’s a store with a cult-like following for its high-quality products, bulk items, and good prices). One of the best things about Costco is the free samples.

Imagine being at Costco and standing in line for a sample. Now imagine someone in front of you eats their one-tenth of a slice of a pizza cooked in a microwave and begins to frantically yell at the samples person.

“I’M STILL HUNGRY!”

“I’M STILL HUNGRY AND THIS PIZZA IS TERRIBLE!”

A bit like watching the fool on the beach with his sandcastle house, you observe this interaction with wisdom or perspective. You know the samples are not meant to fill you. That was not the promise. They’re just little gifts.

If you eat half a bagel bite at Costco thinking it was going to be a full pie from Una Pizza Napoletana in NYC, you’re going to be disappointed. Frustrated. Discontent.

That’s how the Teacher looks at our attempts to find security, value, peace, permanence, life, and joy from money, work, reputation, followers, sex, new tech, knowledge, folly, and more. We partake with frustration, not grasping that the samples aren’t meant to fill us. They’re to be received for what they are and nothing more: little gifts from heaven to be enjoyed as we journey home.

In what areas of your life are you discontent? At the bottom of your discontentment is the belief (the lie) that gaining some material gift can give you what you think God currently does not. Does not history and God’s Word teach you differently? They won’t satisfy. God alone can.

In what ways are you trying to make heaven’s gifts more than they are?

Here’s the thing about a sample: they’re just that—a sampling of the bigger and better thing. If you like it, you can go to the source for more. If the little pizza scratches the itch, you can buy the box.

The point of the gifts is that we might enjoy them for what they are and that we might lift our gaze to the Father of Lights from whom they came (Jas. 1:17).

Reflection Questions:

1. What is the problem with fixing our happiness to our circumstances rather than our perspective?

2. If gifts aren’t meant to replace God, what good are they? How should we go about thinking about gifts?

Part Six: Empty Hands, Full Hearts

Part of the Teacher’s burden is to give you a new horizon for living. Shockingly, it’s death. Death and God’s judgment, to be more precise (Eccl. 11:8-9). He’s trying to awaken you to the fact that you’re going to die, and it’s coming soon. Your time here is like the smoke that lingers after you blow out a candle.

Part of his strategy for helping you meet death head-on is getting you to stop distracting yourself (money, entertainment, work, etc.). He pulls back the veil on all the things we use to insulate ourselves from our impending date with death so we can be wise for life.

If you’re familiar with the wisdom literature (think Proverbs in particular), they aim to captivate you with God’s wisdom and order. What vexes the author of Ecclesiastes is the exceptions. The race doesn’t always go to the swift, the battle to the strong, the bread to the wise, the promotion to the deserving, death to the wicked, and so on (Eccl. 9:11). Life doesn’t make sense or feel fair. And the exclamation point on life’s absurdity is death. It doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor, wise or foolish, wicked or righteous—all will die (Eccl. 9:2-3). Death is the great equalizer.

For the fate of the children of Adam and the fate of animals is the same. As one dies, so dies the other; they all have the same breath. People have no advantage over animals since everything is futile. 20 All are going to the same place; all come from dust, and all return to dust. — Ecclesiastes 3:19-20 (CSB)

Death doesn’t discriminate between the sinners and the saints—it takes and it takes and it takes. Something about that doesn’t feel right. Though, of course, the Christian understands this is fair. Death is the wages of sin (Rom. 6:23). Sin is the ultimate act of discontentment. Adam thought he could be like God, and now man dies like the dogs.

The wonderful news of the gospel, of course, is that God condescended by becoming man. Further still, he became obedient to the point of death on the cross. In doing so, he suffered for the sins of his people, dying that they might live.

Death becomes, for the Christian, then, not something to fear but the doorway to greater life, and so it becomes our teacher today. Death has at least two important lessons to teach us that lead to contentment.

First, death will strip everything from you. You will die as poor as when you were born. Naked you came and naked you’ll go (Eccl. 5:15).

Ecclesiastes opens this way:

1 The words of the Teacher, son of David, king in Jerusalem.

2 “Absolute futility,” says the Teacher.

“Absolute futility. Everything is futile.”

3 What does a person gain for all his efforts

that he labors at under the sun? — Ecclesiastes 1:1-3

The Teacher’s question is rhetorical, making the answer as painful as it is obvious. What do we stand to gain under the sun? Nothing.

We cannot gain here because the world will not satisfy us while we’re in it, and death will ensure we have no surplus at the end. Once it’s all said and done, death will ensure our accounts read zero. All we strove to amass will be stripped away (Eccl. 2:21; Matt. 21:43).

Here’s death’s first lesson. If the things you amass on earth can’t stop you from dying and will be taken from you at death, they can’t give you life. A nicer home, a newer car, and a high-paying job cannot extend your life (quantitatively) or guarantee that you’ll live before you die (qualitatively).

Christ makes this point in John chapter 6:

26 “Truly I tell you, you are looking for me, not because you saw the signs, but because you ate the loaves and were filled. 27 Don’t work for the food that perishes but for the food that lasts for eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you.” . . .  34 Then they said, “Sir, give us this bread always. 35 “I am the bread of life,” Jesus told them. “No one who comes to me will ever be hungry, and no one who believes in me will ever be thirsty again. . . . 40 For this is the will of my Father: that everyone who sees the Son and believes in him will have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day.” — John 6:39-40 (CSB)

After seeing Christ multiply bread and fish to feed 5,000+, the crowds tracked him down. They miss the point of the sign (the sample), however, and simply want their stomachs filled. Christ has a better gift in mind: namely, himself—the bread of heaven that leaves you never hungry again and guarantees your victory over the grave. That’s something no loaf of sourdough can do. That’s something no degree, no income, no vacation, or pair of shoes can do. Christ offers life, eternal life, yes, the happy life, as a gift. Which means it’s not something to be earned or gained, but simply received from him. It also means it’s something that can’t be taken by death. In fact, the Christian finds that death is the one place where they actually gain because they get Christ (Phil. 1:21).

The bread multiplied by Christ had a dual effect. It was meant to be enjoyed as bread. And it was meant to lift the crowd’s gaze to the bread of heaven, Jesus Christ.

The teaching of the New Testament regularly works to lift our gaze from the gifts to the giver:

31 So don’t worry, saying, ‘What will we eat? ’ or ‘What will we drink? ’ or ‘What will we wear? ’ 32 For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you. 34 Therefore don’t worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. — Matthew 6:30-34 (CSB)

Notice, there is a bit of a rebounding effect. When you focus less on the things you think you need (here, they’re actual needs like food and clothing, but we can expand the list on the principle) and look to God for provision, we get something better—God. And because God is a good Father, we also get the things we need (and so often, much, much more).

When you increase your expectations for God, when you find your satisfaction in Christ, when you store up treasure in heaven, you find yourself content with the things of earth because you don’t need them. You already have the life and peace, and security, and permanence, and joy you long for. And so, you are freed up to enjoy God’s gifts for what they are and nothing more.

Reflection Questions:

1. Tell your mentor about a time when you realized that Jesus alone is better than all the world has to offer.

2. How does the certainty of death and the promise of eternal life change your perspective on accumulating more and more material possessions?

Part Seven: Eat and Drink for Tomorrow We Die

Once your expectations are rightly set for both God and his gifts, you’re able to enjoy and be content with your station and stuff in life.

The second lesson Death wants to teach you is to enjoy today. Not tomorrow, but today.

What a shame to spend your entire life discontent, looking to the future when you can finally be happy.
Because you were made for so much more than you are experiencing in this world (eternity in the heart), your inclination is going to be to try to find Eden now, though not in God but in his gifts. And because none of those gifts can deliver what you want, you’re inclined to think you’re just a few steps away from arriving. And so, the discontent person is always living for tomorrow, anxious for tomorrow, working for tomorrow, and never enjoying today (and, spoiler alert: tomorrow never comes).

Pascal puts it this way:

“Let each of us examine his thoughts; he will find them wholly concerned with the past or the future. We almost never think of the present, and if we do think of it, it is only to see what light is throws on our plans for the future. The present is never our end. The past and the present are our means, the future alone our end. Thus we never actually live, but hope to live, and since we are always planning how to be happy, it is inevitable that we should never be so.”[5]

God is so generous toward his children, giving us all that we need in Christ and more. He gives us food and drink and work and friends that we might enjoy them (Eccl. 3:15). And yet, like the toddler complaining at the table, we spurn his generosity, thinking we deserve today what’s not promised tomorrow.

Discontentment is a vicious cycle. If we only ever live for tomorrow’s home, tomorrow’s promotion, tomorrow’s degree, and family—we’ll only ever have anxiety and restlessness today. Like the man in chapters 5 and 6, who was miserable in the making and in the losing, the discontent person never enjoys today and never reaches “tomorrow.” They’re living for tomorrow’s wind but never catch it.

And, as the Teacher is eager to show, your life is a vapor. You’re running out of tomorrows quickly. Don’t do that, never having enjoyed today.

There’s a better way to live—receive this day as a gift from God. As seen above, if you’re satisfied in Christ, you don’t need more gifts, and so you’re freed up to enjoy what you have.

Listen to the apostle Paul as he draws from Death’s instruction:

But godliness with contentment is great gain. 7 For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out. 8 If we have food and clothing, we will be content with these — 1 Timothy 6:6-8 (CSB).

Note how Paul draws the same lesson from death. Naked we came. Naked we’ll go. Don’t bank your life on things death will strip. Rather, if you have enough to eat and wear, you can be content. Paul’s “standard of living” in one sense is very low. In another sense, it couldn’t be higher. The reason he’s satisfied is because he has Christ.

I don’t say this out of need, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I find myself. 12 I know how to make do with little, and I know how to make do with a lot. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content ​— ​whether well fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need. 13 I am able to do all things through him who strengthens me — Philippians 4:11-13 (CSB)

Paul lowered his expectations of the world as he increased his expectations of God.

If Paul’s description of the good life—gaining Christ even while losing all other things (Phil 2:7-8)—seems bare bones, it’s because you’re still expecting too much from the world and not enough from God. It’s when you’re satisfied in Christ that you don’t need more than him, food, and clothing. Anything else is a tremendous blessing from God, given to be enjoyed.

And so, for all of Ecclesiastes’ ostensibly grim outlook on life under the sun (you’re going to die, the world is broken, you won’t be remembered), he offers one repeated application. Seven times, he pops his head above the clouds to give insight from heaven:

24 There is nothing better for a person than to eat, drink, and enjoy his work. I have seen that even this is from God’s hand, 25 because who can eat and who can enjoy life apart from him? — Ecclesiastes 2:24-25 (CSB)

15 So I commended enjoyment because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat, drink, and enjoy himself, for this will accompany him in his labor during the days of his life that God gives him under the sun. — Ecclesiastes 8:14-15 (CSB)

These passages only make sense when you grasp the keys to contentment in each hand. Food, drink, work, marriage, and the lot won’t give you life. God eagerly and generously looks to give you life. When you grasp both and are satisfied in Christ, you experience the “rebounding” effect whereby you can actually enjoy the things you were once tempted to find life in. And rather than viewing them as means for tomorrow’s happiness, you can enjoy them today.

Happiness is God’s gift today.

Reflection Questions:

1. What stops you from enjoying today and its gifts?

2. In what ways are you tempted to be discontent?

Conclusion

So let me ask you again, are you happy? If not, why? I’m guessing it’s because you lack something you think you need. It’s because the thing      you lack you think will do for you today what you think God is not already offering you.

What is the solution? Lower your expectations for the things of the world. Increase them for God. If you have food and clothing and God, you have enough. You have more than enough even. You have the infinite one who fills the gap of your heart. And you have (probably) more temporal gifts than you need, which he’s given you to enjoy as you travel to meet him face to face.

The question is, is that enough for you?

Hear Paul again, keeping in mind that there is nothing to gain in the world (material things can’t satisfy and will be stripped at death):

7 But everything that was a gain to me, I have considered to be a loss because of Christ. 8 More than that, I also consider everything to be a loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. Because of him I have suffered the loss of all things and consider them as dung, so that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own from the law, but one that is through faith in Christ ​— ​the righteousness from God based on faith. 10 My goal is to know him and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of his sufferings, being conformed to his death, 11 assuming that I will somehow reach the resurrection from among the dead. — Philippians 3:7-11 (CSB)

Gain is possible only in Christ. He alone can satisfy. He alone conquers the grave. Find satisfaction in him, and you can have contentment in all things.

[1] If you’re not following, you would be well served by reading or watching J.R. Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings!

[2] Blaise Pascal, Pensees, 425. https://www.ccel.org/ccel/pascal/pensees.viii.html.

[3] Pascal, Pensees, 425, https://www.ccel.org/ccel/pascal/pensees.viii.html.

[4]  C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory (San Francisco: Harper,1980), pp. 41-45.

[5] Pascal, Pensees, 172, https://www.ccel.org/ccel/pascal/pensees/pensees.iii.html.

About the Author

John Sarver serves as a pastor at Midtown Baptist Church in Memphis, Tennessee. He is married to his wife, Jessica, and together they have four children.